Since there are often disagreements on what it means to be spiritual,
I decided to write some basic guidelines.

- spiritual people are always kind and loving. That is because they
have read a book where it says that God is love and that we're all his
children. They of course don't know that for sure, but it sounds cool.
The spiritual smiles, and greetings like "with all the love of my
heart" and "please accept my humble obeisances" are obligatory, in
order for everyone to see how spiritual you really are. Then, when you
come to a group of spiritual people, they will pat you on the head and
tell you how cool you are, almost like themselves.

- spiritual people are on the spiritual path. Nobody knows what that
means, but if you're not on one, you're in trouble, because the
spiritual people are going to figure you out and you won't be
spiritual anymore. The best way to find a path that is spiritual is to
just keep a low profile and see what the spiritual people do. Then
just act like them and you're OK. If they ask you about your path, say
that you are just a humble seeker, looking for light and love. That
phrase always works, because nobody knows what it means, and everybody
uses it, so they'll make a spiritual face and pat you on the head,
giving you their blessings on your path. Now you're officially on the
path, because another spiritual person said so. Good work!

- if you see a spiritual person which is obviously crazy or deluded,
you must take care never to say that out loud. One must never judge
other seekers on the path, because we are all God's children and he
loves us. Besides, since nobody really knows what it means to be a
great spiritual person, if you criticize someone for being a fake,
they will tell you that you are not spiritual, and you won't be able
to defend yourself. So, it's best to keep sucking up to everybody,
because then there's a chance that people will commend your humility
and devotion.

- you must take care not to do stupid, unspiritual things before you
are generally recognized as spiritual. Only then will people find
excuse for everything you do, because they will think that you're
enlightened, and they'll be careful not to say that you're a fake,
because they are trying to sound spiritual. Once you're generally
recognized, you're safe. Then you can do practically anything you like
and still be spiritual.

- when you write on a spiritual mailing-list or an usenet newsgroup,
always take care to observe which persons are generally accepted as
the most spiritual. Then join the newsgroup by writing kind and loving
replies to their messages. That way, everybody will see how spiritual
you are. If you, however, enter such a group and express your
observation that they are all a bunch of wankers, you will be
finished, because all the spiritual people there will ask you for your
qualifications, and you will not be able to produce them, even if you
are God.

- when someone says that "love is the most important thing" or that
"God is love", or "we are all one", you must immediately agree. That's
obligatory for being recognized as spiritual. If you, however, say
that it is all a bunch of bullshit, all the people who have no
experience of these things will attack you and tell you how
unspiritual you really are. The others will agree with them, unless
they are even more spiritual; in that case, they will say that even
you are one with all them, and that God loves you, and then the ones
who criticized you will have to agree. However, they will still hold a
grudge over you.

- you are allowed to think that someone is a stupid, immature wanker
who poses as a spiritual person, but you aren't allowed to say it. To
say what you mean is not spiritual. You must use kind, polite words,
even if you're in fact telling someone that he is an immature wanker
who poses as a spiritual person. You just need to rephrase the
sentence.

- you should always say that all paths lead to the One goal. Nevermind
that they are mostly in conflict, and that they mostly have nothing in
common: this is one of the most spiritual things to say, because if
people start comparing the paths, they will find out that some paths
must suck, and it's even possible that their own path sucks. To avoid
that unpleasant situation, you should say that all paths lead to the
same goal, and thus diplomatically avoid any objective measurement.
Objective measurement sounds like science, and science is very
unspiritual. Except when it's the spiritual science, and when a
spiritual person says so.

- if someone wears an orange robe and comes from India, he must be
enlightened, because India is supposed to be very enlightened. That is
because it's very hot there and the sun enlightens everything. They
also have excellent rice. You should never even think that such a
person can be a wanker on an ego trip, because this is the most
unspiritual thing to say. Instead, you should say that you feel indeed
blessed by his presence, and utterly unworthy of such a gift. Then,
everybody will nod and think how enlightened you are.

Every resemblance with actual persons and events is intentional. 
Lots of spiritual blessings, and accept my humble obeisances. ;)

-- 
Web (Kundalini-yoga): http://danijel.cjb.net