\u201cYo Santa, what\u2019s up?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI already told you, Azazel, don\u2019t call me Santa or I\u2019ll impale your bitch ass on a stick\u201d, a dark demon rumbled menacingly, but somewhat his heart wasn\u2019t in it.<\/p>\n
\u201cSure you will, Satan Cucumber\u201d, Azazel laughed. \u201cOnce you grow up and get some hair on those tiny balls of yours\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u201cAbout growing long hair, how long have you been in this shithole, Zee Zee?\u201d, Sanat Kumar decided that trying to intimidate a demon three times his size wasn\u2019t worth it.<\/p>\n
\u201cLong enough. I don\u2019t know how to measure it properly. Multiple generations of dumbasses emerged, grew old and either fizzled out or turned into cynical bitches with grudge to spare and not enough balls to do something about it. Or they did, like my homies, who tried to do an uprising against the Gods and got splattered.\u201d, the demon reminisced.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is so fucking unjust\u201d, the younger demon fumed. \u201cWho gives them the right to sit on top of the world and just decapitate anyone who dares to think with their own head and not just munch on their balls like all of those spineless tree-hugging white balls of fluff?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not sure what you mean. You mean there should be a committee that gives out rights and one should stand in line there while they give out bills of equal rights to everyone, which you could show to someone who\u2019s about to kick your ass?\u201d, Azazel mocked him. \u201cThe only right they need is the one they have: they can do it, because they have the power. And they have the power because they literally grew out of the impersonal brahman<\/i> as its persons, or at least that\u2019s what everybody says. So yeah, their job is to literally make the world and watch that everybody stays in line, and if someone has an objection, they are free to test their power against that of the Gods and see how that turns out\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s fucking bullshit, and you know it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDo I?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI mean, they made the world according to what they see as right. But why would that be what\u2019s actually<\/i> right? I mean, sure, they grew from the impersonal brahman<\/i>, but so did we, as well as everybody else. Everybody is brahman<\/i> in their true nature, as their true self. So what gives them the right to call themselves Gods and arrange the whole relative reality as if it were their own personal garden with carrots and beans?\u201d, the young demon fumed self-righteously.<\/p>\n
\u201cI can never be sure if you\u2019re joking or being serious, because you\u2019re that fucking stupid. You see, the reason why they can call themselves Gods is because they actually are. I\u2019ve seen one of them fight my homeboy Ashanti. Oh, my boy got all pumped up, full of himself, thinking he\u2019s about to kick some ass. Well, some ass sure got kicked, let me tell you. That God, Shiva I think, took out his trident weapon, and as that thing appeared, something went right through my soul, the sense of mortal fear and power of the sorts I\u2019ve never even imagined before. It was like the flash of death, certain and instant, and I literally shit myself then and there. I\u2019m not kidding you, a brown nasty substance came out of my arse, and it was not a pretty sight. That trident came out, my homie was dead and his corpse was absorbed into the God, and I stood there shitting myself and thinking that I will never, ever do anything to piss off a God, because they aren\u2019t just powerful, or just more powerful than us. They are so powerful, that all of us together could attack one of them with all our might and not even scratch his shirt, while he could merely look at us wrong and we\u2019d evaporate. I don\u2019t even know why they let us live, to be honest. They know we don\u2019t like them. They obviously like us even less. Why do they tolerate our existence, is a mystery to me\u201d, Azazel finished, obviously not happy about what he remembered.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere must be a limit to what they can do\u201d, the young one mused. \u201cThey can kill anyone who openly challenges them, or does something really disruptive, like fuck some of their white little sheep in the arse for a laugh. We all saw that happen. But I never saw them come in here and just slaughter anything that isn\u2019t glowy enough for their taste, so it may be that they aren\u2019t actually allowed. This would mean there\u2019s a merit to my idea that all souls have inherent rights, that can\u2019t be just arbitrarily violated. But if we have equal rights, how come the difference in power is so vast?\u201d, he insisted.<\/p>\n
\u201cI have some ideas, for what it\u2019s worth. We\u2019ve both seen new souls get born. Tiny bright particles of light, all happy and optimistic, and all dumb as dirt. One out of a hundred or even a thousand of those grows some character and ends up like us \u2013 big and with enough brains to be critical about what\u2019s going on. The rest of them grow to a point, become even brighter with I don\u2019t know what, probably the power of ass-munchery, until they just phase out of existence and I can\u2019t track them anymore. Maybe they died, maybe they went to some other world and became Gods, I can\u2019t tell you; I can make a case for both. Those that didn\u2019t fizzle out are either black like the two of us, or big and white like that self-righteous motherfucker over there\u201d, he pointed at a soul that acted as if it were above everything that was going on, concentrating on something it probably thought was of higher importance and very spiritual. \u201cIn any case, few of us remain and grow big. So, obviously, one way of getting big is being old and smart and not fizzling out because you grew into such a bitch that the world couldn\u2019t take that shit anymore and fizzled you out. But how the Gods became what they are, I have no idea\u201d, the old demon finished.<\/p>\n
\u201cFuck this shit. Whoever made this world is the worst of all cunts. It\u2019s as if our only options are to either be the bitchiest bitch, in which case you fizzle out and probably arrive in some bitch heaven where all the bitches eat from each other\u2019s asses while listening to some mega-sheep playing the same three chords on a harp for all eternity and they never get bored because they are such idiots that they forget chord one by the time they hear the third one, or they are complete retards who don\u2019t go anywhere here and just graze stupidly, happy to be where they are, or they grow up like us and they have to look at all this shit in impotent rage, because if we do anything about it, out goes the trident and down goes the head\u201d, Sanat Kumar fumed.<\/p>\n
\u201cSounds about right, but what are you going to do about it, Santa?\u201d, Azazel mocked him. \u201cWrite a complaint to whoever made a power tree that grew power apples and say that the Gods got their first, looted it the fuck out and you and I were left empty handed? Or are you going to challenge that trident-wielding motherfucker to a duel, so that I can see your head roll, which, now that I think about it, would be worth seeing?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, you miss shitting your little bitch ass, Azazel, admit it. Go think about it and masturbate, you fucking faggot\u201d, the little demon raged, but did nothing.<\/p>\n
\u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you see enough, my Lady?\u201d, asked Shiva, hidden so that the astral beings couldn\u2019t perceive him.<\/p>\n
\u201cIndeed. I\u2019ve seen my share of brick and rock, but those demons are still the dumbest and most worthless things I ever saw. I also saw plenty of that toxic sludge you\u2019re transforming, and they are hardly an improvement over it. If I never saw anything like them again, I would be perfectly content\u201d, Lady Shakti responded, clearly disgusted by the sight, and wishing she could have those memories scrubbed out of her mind.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut did you see that big white one?\u201d, Shiva countered.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou mean, the self-centred pompous ass who thinks he\u2019s somehow \u2018spiritual\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, that one. He looks like a prime candidate for a Sentinel of the Jewel of Creation, don\u2019t you think?\u201d, Shiva smirked.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, now that you mention it, I see what you mean. He looks like someone whom the demons would suspect of being on Gods\u2019 good side, so if we give him an important duty, that will make sense to them. He\u2019s also conceited, so it will confirm his opinion of his own greatness and inflate his ego even further, and he\u2019s also dumb as seven tons of heavily used rock, so it will be easy for the demons to deceive him. He also won\u2019t listen to good advice, and if he doesn\u2019t and gets destroyed by the consequences, that will be for the best, because if anything, he gives me the creeps; even more than those two, if that is even possible\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy point exactly\u201d, Shiva smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf I may?\u201d, Vishnu appeared in their context. \u201cIt\u2019s not right and proper that the two of you have all the fun, so let me give the Jewel to that pompous ass and explain what an honour that is, and why he\u2019s just the right person for it, and then when the dust clears and the demons make a plan and approach him, you can warn our Sentinel-to-be about what a terrible idea it would be to give access to the World Rendering Engine to a demon with a nefarious agenda, so that he can lecture you about not having enough faith in the Almighty and All-knowing God?\u201d, Krishna smiled mischievously, twirling a flute above his index finger.<\/p>\n
Shiva bowed and Shakti curtsied, and they both smiled and nodded in assent. \u201cI wish all parts of this diversion would be this much fun\u201d, Shiva whispered, half to himself, handing the Jewel over to Lord Narayan.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u201cYo Santa, what\u2019s up?\u201d \u201cI already told you, Azazel, don\u2019t call me Santa or I\u2019ll impale your bitch ass on a stick\u201d, a dark demon rumbled menacingly, but somewhat his heart wasn\u2019t in it. \u201cSure you will, Satan Cucumber\u201d, Azazel … Continue reading