\u201cI feel like a such a horrible hypocrite\u201d, Arthur pulled his fingers through his hair. \u201cI was so incredibly self-righteous about judging people for having family members who are Death Eaters or dark mages or muggle-haters or pureblood supremacists. I used to automatically judge Lyra for having parents who served Voldemort. And here I am now, having just buried a son who was as bad as any Death Eater, completely evil and rotten. I thought I didn\u2019t even need to see that recording, but I did, and it managed to be worse than anything I imagined. He was as bad as Dolohov or Macnair. I\u2019ve seen the looks people have been giving me, and it\u2019s the same looks I\u2019ve been giving people with evil family members before, not thinking anything of it. They must have done something or be guilty of something, by association. It runs in the family. An apple doesn\u2019t fall far from the tree. I disgust myself\u201d, he wiped a tear from his face.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s healthy. It\u2019s part of the healing process\u201d, Lyra approached and hugged him. \u201cI was there, I know. When Voldemort returned and I understood he\u2019s pure evil, and my parents bet everything on him twice, I felt so ashamed of myself for blindly trusting them and offending people by repeating the nonsense I heard from them. It\u2019s hard, it hurts, but it has to be done\u201d, she whispered into his ear. \u201cSelf-righteousness is a horrible drug, and it hurts to wean yourself off it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe worst thing is, I can\u2019t just hate him for what he became. I also remember the good things, how he stood with Harry and Hermione, how they destroyed the Horcruxes, how proud I was when he became an Auror. I loved him so much and I grieve for that part of him, and I blame him for killing it, for becoming that murderous scum that Lyra finally rid us all off, and I grieve because he never got the chance to repent, to come back, become that good boy again\u201d, he sobbed.<\/p>\n
Everybody in the Burrow looked down, obviously sharing similar feelings. Healing is going to be hard. People who resented him for his ugly behaviour felt both vindicated and guilty for their feelings. People who loved him felt guilty for loving him. They didn\u2019t know how to deal with it, and it will require careful, slow disentanglement and analysis, Lyra thought. She exchanged a look with Harry, and saw that he had the same thoughts. Hermione, too, was distraught, obviously reminiscing about the good days and being unable to reconcile it with the recent developments, grieving and sad and guilty. Ginny looked like she was crying recently; she\u2019s obviously feeling guilty about honestly hating what he became and wishing him to die or go away. Molly was crushed and wordless, but it was obvious that Arthur spoke for both of them.<\/p>\n
\u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s good that they put it into words\u201d, Lyra kicked her shoes off as she made herself comfortable on her favourite couch. \u201cIt makes healing easier. So much of our personal history is intertwined with him, and most of it was good memories. We can\u2019t just lock those away.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt would destroy our hearts if we did that\u201d, Hermione whispered. \u201cHalf of my memories would go dark if I tried. And if I embrace the good, I\u2019m afraid I\u2019ll open myself up to that horrible evil that I felt from him in the end, and I don\u2019t know how to reconcile those feelings\u201d, she sniffed.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe buried the evil today. It ended. But the good remains part of us forever\u201d, Harry nodded. \u201cIt\u2019s just that now, we no longer have to feel guilty for perceiving parts of that evil as it asserted its dominance over his soul over the years, and eventually overcame him\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u201cI think that\u2019s a good way of looking at it\u201d, Lyra nodded. \u201cThe good existed, it partook in our lives, but the evil also existed, rose up occasionally, and eventually won, as he abandoned the good part of himself that shared our lives. He chose parts of himself he wanted to be, and we can keep parts of him that we want to keep. They no longer share a person.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThank you both\u201d, Hermione looked at Lyra and Harry. \u201cIt actually helps when you put it into words that way. It makes it granular, doesn\u2019t force me to either accept all of him or reject all of him. I can look at each memory individually, and be relaxed and secure about dealing with it\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u201cNow you made me feel guilty for having no good thoughts or memories of him, and just being very glad that the bastard who tried to slander and later kill my wife is finally dead\u201d, Viktor grinned.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t be\u201d, Hermione smiled. \u201cYou\u2019re in a much healthier place than we are, but I hope we\u2019ll all join you there in a few days, if not in the morning already\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m going to get something to eat, and you can join me in that immediately, to hasten the process\u201d, he smiled back.<\/p>\n
\u201cIs there anything fresh there? I\u2019m starving\u201d, Lyra gave him a mischievous grin, and went to raid the kitchen with him.<\/p>\n
Harry and Hermione exchanged a look, and burst into laughter. \u201cI envy them so much\u201d, he smiled as he stood up and offered her a hand. \u201cI hear that biscuits with some butter do wonders against overcomplicating your life by trying to save people who don\u2019t want to be saved\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u201cMilk, not tea. It\u2019s too late for caffeine\u201d, she beamed and took his hand.<\/p>\n
<\/a>\u201cHonestly, I regret Lyra not being the third person in our group from the beginning\u201d, he mused as they went to the kitchen where she was slicing jam\u00f3n ib\u00e9rico very thinly for herself and Viktor.<\/p>\n \u201cYou have a point there\u201d, Hermione agreed. \u201cHow was she even not sorted into Gryffindor, with her heart?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI asked the hat to sort me into Slytherin because my parents told me it was the best house\u201d, Lyra spoke with mouth full of ham sandwich. \u201cIt was one of their less brilliant pieces of advice\u201d.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, at least we sorted ourselves into the same house later, so it all ended well\u201d, Harry grinned and started stuffing his plate with food.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u201cI feel like a such a horrible hypocrite\u201d, Arthur pulled his fingers through his hair. \u201cI was so incredibly self-righteous about judging people for having family members who are Death Eaters or dark mages or muggle-haters or pureblood supremacists. I … Continue reading