\u201cYou know, I\u2019ve been trying to figure out why I had a crush on Ron in the first place\u201d, Hermione looked at her family as they finally put the children to bed and had the time for tea and sandwiches.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou mean, other than the teenage hormones?\u201d, Harry teased her.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf it were only for that, I\u2019d fall for you\u201d, she grinned at his obvious discomfort. \u201cAfter all, we just instantly clicked, and you were trustworthy, smart, dependable and my type in every way\u201d. She laughed as Harry blushed. \u201cBut no, I fell for the confused, emotionally stunted, insecure, incompetent guy who kept offending and mocking me for years. In hindsight, it feels more like Stockholm syndrome than hormones\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u201cStockholm syndrome?\u201d, Lyra and Viktor looked at each other.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s a phenomenon where a hostage or a victim of other abuse starts sympathising with their abusers or even falling in love with them\u201d, Harry explained. \u201cIt\u2019s a muggle thing\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut honestly, I don\u2019t see any other explanation. I had a crush on that idiot despite being around Harry all day, who was the leader of our group and whom I admired and trusted with my life. I was heartbroken about Ron being an oblivious idiot when I danced with Viktor at the Yule Ball, and I clicked with Viktor so seamlessly and instantly that he was obviously my soul mate and husband, but I was just too stupid to see it. What the hell was even wrong with me?\u201d, she massaged her forehead.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou were too insecure to claim the best thing for yourself\u201d, Lyra looked at her seriously. \u201cYou thought you didn\u2019t deserve it, so you settled for someone obviously beneath you, someone you had to manage, where you had the sense of control and power, but then when you had it, it hurt because that wasn\u2019t the life you wanted for yourself at that point\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat sounds true\u201d, Hermione nodded. \u201cBut I think there\u2019s more. You see, I was indoctrinated by some of that Muggle nonsense we talked about. Feminism, and more specifically, the expectation that I\u2019m supposed to be the strong and independent one, as a woman. It\u2019s one of those expectations I never even thought about because it was too implicit, like the existence of air. So, since I was expected to be strong, to be a leader, I crushed on the only person in my vicinity that had to be led and managed. With Harry, we were pretty much equals in everything, but he always knew what had to be done, and I knew how to make us succeed, so I naturally defaulted to the role of a follower, which is natural for me and I feel best in it. But somehow, I was made to believe that as far as relationships go, I am supposed to be the \u2018strong independent woman\u2019, as the feminists call it, or \u2018boss babe\u2019, so my romantic part was conditioned to seek out a compliant follower that was still physically attractive, which is how Ron happened\u201d, she sighed. \u201cBut when I was in a relationship with him, I felt imprisoned and burdened, because it\u2019s not natural for me on an instinctual level. I rebelled and broke up with him because it was unbearable. Then Viktor decided to remove himself from my friend zone, and he made me realise something: with him, I felt natural. I was in my natural role as a girl \u2013 that of a submissive follower. I didn\u2019t have to lead. I didn\u2019t have to manage him. I didn\u2019t have to clean up his mess after him. He paid attention, he saw everything like a hawk from the sky. He would know how I felt at every moment, even when I didn\u2019t. He was my intellectual peer, being the top student in Durmstrang. I realised that I naturally, instinctively melt into him and let him take care of me and lead me where I want to go, when I\u2019m too confused and messed up to be able to figure it out myself\u201d, she smiled at her husband, whose turn it was now to blush. \u201cAlso, I thought something was wrong with me for not feeling anything sexual for Ron. I guessed it will happen when we\u2019re married. Fortunately, I didn\u2019t get to test that hypothesis, thank heavens. But with Viktor, it\u2019s all there. It just\u2026 turns on instantly\u201d, she blushed as Harry and Lyra giggled. \u201cNot only that \u2013 my sexuality started existing for the first time when I danced with him at the Yule Ball, and it confused the heck out of me; and it existed only with him, ever\u201d, she smiled and trembled with sweet shivers, as Viktor blushed. \u201cWith Ron, I felt as if I adopted a grown man-child, and I hated it, and I still persisted at it like an idiot\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u201cI wonder why you didn\u2019t fall for Harry\u201d, Lyra mused. \u201cI was mortally afraid of it, to be honest. He looked like your type so much I would wake up at nights in cold sweat over the thought\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know\u201d, Hermione was deep in thought. \u201cI think, at first, it was that \u2018strong independent woman\u2019 nonsense, where I thought that, if I fall for a natural leader, I\u2019ll be betraying my parents\u2019 ideals of women\u2019s emancipation, feminism and whatever muggle nonsense there is. Later, when the two of you started talking, I instinctively felt he was taken. It wasn\u2019t even a thought, but it felt really good \u2013 in a sense that you felt made for each other and I would just smile when I saw you together\u201d, she closed her eyes, remembering. \u201cI would never interfere with something so perfect and beautiful\u201d.<\/p>\n
Lyra kissed her hand and whispered \u201cthank you\u201d in her ear.<\/p>\n
\u201cI wish I was half as insightful as you\u201d, Harry waved his head incredulously.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, I think you were\u201d, Hermione looked at him. \u201cYou just had a powerful conflict of loyalty, and she wouldn\u2019t budge on the issue of Voldemort at the time, so you were scared of falling for her because of what it would mean, so much so that you subconsciously blocked your understanding of what you are to each other. It was obvious to me because I wasn\u2019t emotionally involved, but if it were me, I would be as bad if not worse. After all, I have the whole mess with Ron as evidence of how oblivious I can be when motivated\u201d, she smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re right. I know you are, but I can\u2019t help feeling stupid about it when I look back. She was the most precious thing in my life, touching her felt like touching my life itself, her happiness meant everything, and yet I couldn\u2019t name our relationship if my life depended on it. It was just a solid wall of stupid\u201d, he grinned.<\/p>\n
\u201cI guess it\u2019s my turn to confess\u201d, Viktor smiled at them. \u201cI fell for Hermione instantly, but for some reason Ron didn\u2019t even worry me. I was mortally afraid of Harry. I saw them together \u2013 it was as if they shared the brain between them, finishing each other\u2019s sentences, being completely comfortable with each other, and he was so damn competent he competed with the three of us who were the final year in our schools when he was three years younger, and he outflew a dragon. I was like, damn, I\u2019m fucked\u201d, he snickered. \u201cYes Lyra, I know; children; but they sleep so suck it up\u201d.<\/p>\n
She snickered and blew him a kiss.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo, when I gathered enough courage to confront Harry about it and he told me that he and Hermione are best friends but there\u2019s nothing romantic about it, I felt I could fly without a broom\u201d, he smiled at his wife. \u201cI think I felt she\u2019ll get over Ron eventually because the two of them obviously carried him through everything for whatever reason, but if it were Harry, \u2026\u201d, he shivered with the remembered terror. \u201cSo, when she finally broke up with him, and I got her tear-stained letters of heartbreak over it, I decided to shoot my shot\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u201cThank heavens you did\u201d, Hermione beamed. \u201cAt first, I was shocked. Then I was \u2018oh wait\u2026\u2019, and then \u2018oh wait!\u2019, and when it all came together, I felt as if my true life came into my body to celebrate. You were always everything I really wanted, but my head was just too messed up with all sorts of nonsense to realise it\u201d, she beamed at Viktor, and then at Harry and Lyra. \u201cIt\u2019s strange, because my sexuality is completely bound to Viktor, and it feels as if it exists because of him and for him only, but I feel a similar kind of love for the two of you. With you, I\u2019m also always in my submissive role, accepting your lead in all things, which makes me feel very warm and cozy, because of how smart and intuitive you are and how you care for me\u201d, she glowed.<\/p>\n
\u201cAbout caring for you, I\u2019m going to make more sandwiches. It\u2019s prosciutto di Parma this time, with some cheese and olives\u201d, Lyra got up with a smile.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere do you get all that stuff? It\u2019s both imported and muggle-made\u201d, Viktor wondered.<\/p>\n
\u201cA girl\u2019s got to have secrets\u201d, she winked.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u201cYou know, I\u2019ve been trying to figure out why I had a crush on Ron in the first place\u201d, Hermione looked at her family as they finally put the children to bed and had the time for tea and sandwiches. … Continue reading