\u201cYou never told me how you felt about the Yule Ball\u201d, Harry moved hair from her eyes to behind her ear.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt used to hurt too much\u201d, she gave him a painful smile.<\/p>\n
\u201cIn what way?\u201d, he looked at her in surprise.<\/p>\n
\u201cIn the way that from the outside, we seemed perfect. We looked married. Everybody kept saying it. In the way that I was yours and all you had to do is ask, and you never did. You never gave me the word, told me what I am to you. You never even told me we were friends. You never introduced me to somebody in a way that would claim me. You just acted in agonizingly intimate ways without claiming it, without standing behind it, and it left me hanging. You treated that ball as a formality, and you asked me because we were intimate and it was easy, but I waited for you to tell me, to give me the word that says what I am, and you never did. The ball ended and I went somewhere to cry, because I had that awful, ominous feeling that things are wrong and that they are about to get worse, much worse\u2026 as they did\u201d, she looked at him with a memory of such pain that he held her tighter, to comfort her.<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t know\u201d, he whispered in her ear. \u201cI thought we had a good time\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, that was the worst part\u201d, she whispered back. \u201cI got to dance with the one I chose, be seen with you in public, be seen how I wanted us to be seen, together. Holding you in a dance felt absolutely perfect. I loved every second of it. But I felt like a fly that keeps banging into a glass window until it dies. Everything it wants is right there, and yet she can never reach it\u201d, she sighed. \u201cEverything you did was perfect, except that you refused to claim it, to say what it meant, tell me what I am, tell me that you want me\u201d, a tear went down her cheek, and he kissed it.<\/p>\n
\u201cI am so sorry. I know now why I was like that, but I\u2019m so sorry I hurt you\u201d, he whispered. \u201cYou were too important to name, too important to claim. Too many consequences. You tried to convince me that Lord Voldemort was \u2018cool\u2019, as you had put it. That your parents wouldn\u2019t be following him otherwise. I saw Riddle in person before and I knew what a horrible monster he was, and I looked at you with horror and consternation, not knowing what to make of it. The way you were used to split my body, mind and heart into three different reactions to you. Being with you was always the most important time of every day. Touching you was the most sacred thing in my life. Of course I couldn\u2019t name it. I didn\u2019t dare even think in that direction, because trying to figure out what you were produced the answer that you shouldn\u2019t be anything, and I wanted you to be everything, so I shut that direction in my mind off completely\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know. I learned about Voldemort soon enough\u201d, she shivered. \u201cAnd then I understood, I saw how you must have felt about it, and I longed to tell you that I got it, that I understand now\u2026 but by then, it seemed like you moved on\u201d, she cried. \u201cI don\u2019t even know how I survived that\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u201cI was a damn fool and I\u2019ll never stop being sorry about that\u201d, he sighed. \u201cI should have never experimented with other girls. It hurt you, and it did absolutely nothing for me other than making me realise that they really are in a different category from you. And then I saw you looking at me like you wanted to kill me and I froze. And instead of making a proper conclusion \u2013 that I cheated on you and I hurt you \u2013 I made the worst possible one that alienated us for two years. I concluded that Voldemort is back and you finally have your Dark Lord and I\u2019m nothing to you now\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u201cOne conversation would have cleared that up, but we stopped talking. We stopped holding hands\u201d, she whimpered. \u201cI missed you so much, and I was so angry at you\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u201cThose were two terrible years. Voldemort kept trying to break into my mind, deceive me, use me for evil and kill me. Everybody was mocking me and hating me. And I missed you so much, and I hated you for leaving me for Voldemort now that I needed you the most, not realising it was all my fault\u201d, he smiled bitterly. \u201cAnd then I almost killed you\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd that, my children, is why I hate talking about the Yule Ball\u201d, she laughed through tears.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sorry I brought it up\u201d, he smiled, kissing her tears away. \u201cI\u2019m sorry I didn\u2019t claim you. I\u2019m sorry I didn\u2019t tell you what you meant to me. I could have at least done that, told you about my confusion, the contradictions. I didn\u2019t invite you to the dance because you were easy. I invited you because you were the only one for me. I\u2019m sorry I left you hanging. I was just too young, too messed up, not used to thinking clearly in the context of strong emotions. I didn\u2019t know how to do it yet\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know\u201d, she finally smiled. \u201cI know now. I wish someone had told me then\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cThank you for coming\u201d, Harry smiled at Arthur and Molly, and then at Lucius and Narcissa. \u201cHere\u2019s the thing. We figured that, based on what has been happening in the last two years, the remnants of the Voldemort regime will be hunting us, but deciding we\u2019re too dangerous to approach directly, so they\u2019ll try to attack our children, probably kidnap them and hold them for ransom, trying to get us to reveal the secret of the wandless magic. This means the children need to be constantly guarded by strong and experienced fighters. Unfortunately, we also need to train and practice, because we had two close calls with Hermione in those two years. Also, the women had two consecutive pregnancies and they were mostly nursing for the last year, so they are physically far from their top shape. Potions help, but they mostly enhance something that\u2019s already going on, so we need actual physical activity\u201d, he smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, you want us to babysit?\u201d, Arthur smiled, and looked at Lucius, who was grinning already. \u201cJust say so. We love playing with the babies\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt will also give us adults time to hang out and talk, and we miss the company\u201d, Narcissa smiled back. \u201cIt\u2019s a lovely idea\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u201cThank you\u201d, Lyra beamed at them. \u201cWe appreciate it so much\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019ll create a training area here. First, the structures\u201d. He closed his eyes, and the trees and boulders on the outskirts of the Malfoy Manor transformed into several huts and one wooden two-storey building, almost a whole small village. \u201cNow, we do it in pairs. One couple creates a defence \u2013 wards, ambush, all sorts of conjured critters. The other couple doesn\u2019t know what they did, and they go in to investigate and clear up the place. No deadly or really dangerous traps, of course, but we score points as if everything that hit us was deadly. Viktor and Hermione, you go first and defend; let us know when you\u2019re ready\u201d, he smiled. Viktor was grinning widely, and Hermione was jumping up and down with anticipation.<\/p>\n
\u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019re getting better. It\u2019s been three practice runs already since anyone got hit\u201d, Lyra smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cTrue, but that might just mean that we memorised the course well enough that it lost the element of surprise\u201d, Viktor pointed out. \u201cWe need something new and different\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd I have just the thing for us\u201d, Harry got up. They were working pretty hard physically and they needed the rest. \u201cNow, we are going to the forbidden forest. I was thinking about it since I originally remembered it days ago. We have unfinished business there\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe need to wipe out that infestation of Acromantulas. They are invasive to Britain, they have no place being there, they kill and interfere with local creatures. And it\u2019s actually our job\u201d, he finished.<\/p>\n
\u201cNice\u201d, Viktor nodded approvingly.<\/p>\n
\u201cBig spiders. Ron would have loved it\u201d, Hermione snickered.<\/p>\n
\u201cAlso, there\u2019s a contract out for them\u201d, Lyra pointed out. \u201cThe Ministry clerk told me when I re-negotiated that Dementor contract with him. He said if possible, they would appreciate it if we dealt with those too, but it didn\u2019t cross my mind until now\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u201cMoney is good\u201d, Viktor smiled. \u201cKilling big man-eating pests is even better\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut first, we need to visit some old friends\u201d, Harry grinned.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u201cYou never told me how you felt about the Yule Ball\u201d, Harry moved hair from her eyes to behind her ear. \u201cIt used to hurt too much\u201d, she gave him a painful smile. \u201cIn what way?\u201d, he looked at her … Continue reading