I’ve been thinking about that previous article, where I said that my motive for doing the right thing was not disappointing people, among other things. That’s actually not completely true, now that I think of it. I don’t like disappointing people, but I will do whatever I deem necessary and correct from the position of the vertical connection I’m maintaining at all times. I am under no obligation to be rational, or to do things that will maintain a certain perception of me. That is ego structure, and although I maintain its appearance, in essence this is not how things work. If I had a pattern of behaviour that was predictable in this way, Satan would’ve made short work of me decades ago.

Also, God communicated something rather shocking to me once, months ago, when I asked why he deliberately left me hanging when I desperately needed support. He said that getting rid of traitors and self-serving bastards that were hanging on me at that time, pretending to be my students or pretending to want God if that could incur benefits for them, was so important that my interests were deliberately sacrificed, and that’s not seen as important because I’ll get all of my stuff back in the end, but those people needed to get reasons to betray me and fall off on their own, because the connection was formed in such a way that I couldn’t just cut them off on my own, and they needed to go at all cost. It can feel, sometimes, that God hates some people more than he loves me, but I think that’s just a human perspective, from a point in time, not from the eternity. From a higher perspective, this body is here with a purpose, and it’s mission first, and the tool doesn’t even have to know what the mission is, exactly. It needs to know what to do at the next step.

So yes, I will always do what I feel I have to do, and some of those things are deliberately tailored from above so that someone will get their reasons for fucking the hell off. It’s weird, and somewhat disturbing, but that’s much closer to how things actually work than what I wrote before.