If you look at my old books and other writing, it’s obvious that I was under several serious misapprehensions. I also didn’t understand all of it correctly. How is it, then, that I was not harmed by those misapprehensions – like, at all? And how is it that my former students could never be justified in disobeying me?

Some of the misapprehensions look quite serious – I thought Sanat Kumar was the Purusha of the Earth, basically the aspect of God dedicated to spiritual evolution in this place. This sounds very much like thinking Satan is in fact God. Which I did. I also thought his plan of evolving people to higher initiation was good. So, I basically said “excellent plan, let me help you with that”, and I assisted people in evolving to attain higher initiation.

Yes, I thought he was God. So I focused on God, saw what is the right thing to do, and did it. I suspect Satan was not at all happy with how that went, but basically, you can’t deceive someone who already has a connection to God. You either pretend you’re God well enough to pass, in which case you can’t effectively do anything harmful, or you try to deceive and you are ignored because it’s not of God. He tried deceiving me both personally and through his sock puppet of Sai Baba, and he used all kinds of sophisticated deceptions, the stuff that would make your skin crawl, on the limits of nirvikalpa samadhi. When I was deceived, it was because deceptions were very good. However, nothing sticks. I went to India, saw that Sai Baba doesn’t have the mantric signature of God, and used the mantric signature of God to break down his playground. Deceiving me works about as well for Satan as catching a big hornet works for a small spider. Successfully caught hornet in net. Net broken.

So, whatever I did then, it had the mantric signature of God and led to God. When I was under some misapprehension, I charged it with the mantric signature of God. The “guys up there” were not allowed to reveal the truth about Sanat Kumar; I had to figure it out myself first before they could confirm it. They could, however, show me enough of the real stuff for his deceptions to fail. I also didn’t know how exactly and why the Kundalini techniques I used work. I knew that they do. The entire theory was gradually revealed decades later. I didn’t have to change a single thing about the techniques, because those were revealed in perfect form very early on, before I started working with students. That’s why nobody is justified in renouncing me by citing my mistakes and misapprehensions. It all had the mantric signature of God. The technical system works. The theoretical understanding came later, but that’s the least important part, and one can attain higher initiation without it, obviously.

That’s why I left my old books as they are, without revising them. It’s a historic record of how things were revealed to me and how my understanding evolved. To say it was all there at once would be wrong, and it would misrepresent the process. It also shows that it doesn’t matter if all is not revealed at once, because what is revealed early is what is needed to reach the point where you get more. Reject that, and you rejected God. That’s how it is. Also, God did this as a test. I was deliberately imperfect, flawed and weakened, so that there would be a possibility of failure to correctly identify me and act accordingly. I also don’t think Satan would allow something that is completely unambiguous to manifest in his world – there always must be room for doubt, so that he could have something to work with.

Today I had to cancel our weekend trip to Plitvička Jezera national park, because Biljana was feeling too sick from the consequences of spending the karmic mass she pulled from the American attractor. I was messing with it as well, yesterday evening, and I managed to free some extremely mangled crystals. How much of a recovery they would have made normally is hard for me to tell, but I intervened further today and now they look merely traumatised, and no longer structurally damaged and marginally viable. I think, with help from the Judges and others, they might make a complete recovery.

Yes, that stuff from the book, it’s not fiction.

So, no pictures of frozen lakes with a dusting of fresh snow. Also no visits to emergency room somewhere in the middle of nowhere with high fever and barely conscious. Considering how exhausted and messed up we feel after a full day of just resting and doing nothing, cancelling everything feels like it was a very good idea.

It now reminds me of Americans and their insane bullshit – never give up, always push further, do more and so on. Yeah, if you’re an idiot, please do that. Me, I have different ideas. For instance, always give up when proceeding turns out to be a bad idea.

I once told Božo that the difference between him and me is that both of us climb trees, but I do it only when there’s fruit on the tree. Basically, there needs to be something there for me to make it worth the hassle. Diving headfirst into the American attractor and liberating the crystals, and then suffering the blowback that felt as if a garbage bomb exploded in my system, and repeating the process until I could no longer identify any salvageable soul-remnants, then recover somewhat, and intervene to restore them as much as the Will of God allows, that’s something I did because there was fruit on the tree. I didn’t feel like giving up because giving up would mean evil persisting and being invulnerable and attractive for one more day when I was in a position to harm it, it would mean agony for the trapped crystals, and permanent spiritual damage or even death for those I wouldn’t get out. My failure or giving up would be expensive. My persistence was also expensive and I’m now paying for it, but it’s the price I’m willing to pay.

In short, that’s my take on failure, giving up and losing battles. I’m fine with losing battles, giving up and failing, when it’s a minor thing at stake. When it’s something like a former angel possibly ending up as recyclable karmic material instead of a soul that can make a good recovery, I would be comfortable with failing only if persistence meant getting myself or someone else killed or terribly harmed. It’s always a cost-benefit analysis: what does it cost, what’s the risk, what’s the gain. What’s the price of failure, what’s the cost of victory. Then the result is “yes, I’ll dive into the working jet engine and recover someone, but I’m not driving on black ice in a snow storm while we’re both sick from this shit”.

So, no frosty waterfalls and fresh snow on the lakes, and no weekend off from this shit, because the timing seems to be too precise and urgent for fun and games. I do have some recent pictures of almond blossom and bees as a consolation prize, though. 🙂

I want to write this down before I forget it.

I don’t think it is fully understood how much “The Light Beyond” was actually revealed from above. It’s obvious that I wrote it down and that it includes my knowledge and that I formulated it into actual human language. The content, however, was another matter entirely. Let me cite an example.

It was day before Christmas. I was just finished writing Anthea and the post mortem. Romana was already jokingly asking whether I’m going to write something about Jesus, and I actually thought Zee and Kay were going to end up being Jesus and Magdalena, but I had no tangible ideas and just shrugged. On Christmas, it just started writing itself, the concepts came into my mind just in time as I was writing, and I was completely surprised by the direction of it all. For instance, I had no idea that Mary, mother of Jesus, was going to end up being a major character, and the way she morphed into Lakshmi in the end, instead of dissolving into her, was a complete surprise. Also, the part about the Kaustubha jewel was revealed during the night after Christmas, and I wrote it down in the morning. It’s as if it doesn’t matter whether I’m going to put some sentence in Kay’s or Zina’s mouth, but the important stuff with theological ramifications was completely micro-managed from above.

Also, I thought I was going to be writing about Milarepa, but he apparently didn’t want to be written about. That door was closed and I didn’t want to pry it open. I also expected Vishnu and Lakshmi to have had actual physical incarnations, but apparently not. I also didn’t actually know Jesus before, but Biljana did; she had darshan of him once, and says that how I described him is just right; it’s the same person.

What I’m saying is, I actually had expectations about where this was going, and sometimes things just flowed differently, and sometimes I felt as if I was writing a dictation, where the next sentence appeared as I finished the previous one. This book is not some fantasy writing inspired by religious concepts. It’s the real thing. Parts of it were revealed before, parts of it are my own memories, parts are dictated from above, and the rest of it is me mixing it up together into something that flows like a book.

I don’t actually know the purpose of this book. There’s an air of seriousness and gravity about it, that’s for sure.

ps. And yeah, there was no way I could have intentionally timed the chapter about Jesus on Christmas. Absolutely no way.