“Wow”, Lord Azazel gently touched his wife’s forehead. “You’re amazing”.

She blushed and shivered slightly as she took in his praise. The tiara melted into her own body and was a part of her now; only the golden jewel remained visible on her brow, as a dot of light. It was no mystery what it did; essentially, it was a mixture of a Title, a Jewel and a blessing by both Shiva and Shakti, and it both was and wasn’t a part of her soul itself, rather than being an ornament or a gadget. It was hard to describe – the way her former Title as the worshipper of Lakshmi both was and wasn’t a part of her soul. It was something between an order of merit, a job and a diploma, but deeper. She was The Mind of God, The Goddess of Wisdom, Self-Revelation of the Absolute, Daughter of Lakshmi; Lady Karuna. That’s what everybody instantly knew, the first they saw her, because her Titles and her name communicated themselves. Her soul-type was “Person of God”. That, too, was instantly communicated, together with her gender: “Female”. All of that was so overwhelming, she wanted to crawl into Zee’s shirt pocket and hide there; if the Six had some internal ranking, she would fight tooth and nail for the last spot.

“And all five of us would arm-wrestle you for it, you know”, Lord Azazel read her mind.

“I would lose”, she stuck out her tongue.

“That’s why”, he smiled and kissed the tip of her tongue, and she giggled.

As a Jewel, that thing allowed her to access power that was so terrible and awesome, it made her really consider morphing into a small mouse and hiding in Zee’s pocket. She felt that Lady Shakti gave her a power over all of reality, the power that should only rest in the hands of Wisdom, and it was such an honour that she felt completely mortified from the responsibility and all other implications. Basically, she could wield and assert the Throne of God. She could create, destroy and change worlds. She whined into Azazel’s neck and held him more tightly.

“Ready to kick some ass?”, he grinned.

“Ready to watch you kick some ass, and applaud your awesome victory”, she giggled.

“Sure”, he kissed her nose. “Let’s warn some people”.

…

Blade of Discernment, Self-Revelation of the Absolute, Son of Shiva; Lord Azazel; Person of God, Male, opened a portal to the astral nursery and observed his surroundings, his wife by his side. He spent eons there, up until mere days ago, and yet it looked like a foreign, desolate wasteland to him now, merely because there wasn’t anyone there he truly had anything in common with. There were multiple bigger clouds of astral matter nearby, though, and closing to their position.

“There’s those motherfucking Gods again”, a demon exclaimed, taking out a flaming sword. “Let’s have some fun”, he grinned at the others.

“Watch it, Baal”, Mephisto warned him. “We don’t want to get ahead of ourselves here.”

“I don’t give a shit, Muffin”, Baal growled. “Those bastards killed Azazel without any reason or provocation. I invoke my right of vengeance”.

“Put that toothpick away before you hurt yourself, Baal”, the male God addressed him with a grin. “I would recommend, for your safety, wellbeing and continued existence among the living, that you shut the fuck up, sit here and use words to address your griefs, lest thy arse take the room temperature challenge”, the God pointed at the suddenly apparent sofa across a coffee table and another sofa where he and the girl now sat.

The demon grudgingly accepted, now morphed to humanoid himself. “I accept only because you’re not Shiva, because that one killed my friend without provocation”, he gruffed. “Who are you, and how do you know my name?”

“I know I look different now, and not just that, but I actually am different, yet strangely I’m still the same person, as far as continuity of Self and memories goes. I am, however, different in my qualities and nature. Take a look into me and identify me with your astral sight, before I grow bored with your shit”, Azazel prodded.

“Hell, damnation and holy fucking shit. Azazel?”, the demon exclaimed in consternation. “How the fuck? Is that some sort of a trick?”

“Yeah, of course it’s a trick, a God brought his wife to this shithole to pull a prank on your sorry arse because we apparently have nothing better to do, bitch”, Azazel reverted to demonic vernacular to put the demon at ease. “Of course it’s me”.

The demon got his senses together somewhat, and realised that he actually saw the general flavour of mind that he used to recognise as his, apparently not deceased, friend. “How the fuck? Perkele and Asmodeus saw you sit with Shiva, talk for a while, and then you transformed into bright light and vanished. We thought he killed your ass dead”, Baal exclaimed, joined by Mephisto and a few others. “Person of God, Lord Azazel? What the actual fuck, man? And who’s the girl?”, he exclaimed in shock.

“Well, if you sorry motherfuckers actually bothered to check your facts before getting all riled up over nothing, you’d have asked someone first, and they’d have told you that I indeed went to talk to Lord Shiva, because I got so sick talking to that retard dumbass, Santa Cucumber or whatever he calls his bitch ass, that I decided to ask a God for actual knowledge and guidance, because I was so incredibly done listening to insane assholes. The God didn’t kill me, contrary to public opinion; we sat down, and he explained all sorts of things to me, including secrets of Creation, nature of souls and their evolution, and so on. In fact, I was so incredibly impressed with him, that my soul-structure changed, and as that happened I was transported from this world, to a heaven where the ascended souls live. There, I met my wife Kay, who is here with me now, and we then talked to the Gods some more, and proceeded to meditate until we achieved apotheosis ourselves. That’s the short of it. So no, he didn’t kill me; in fact he saved me, guided me, helped me in all sorts of ways, and I consider him my Father in every meaningful sense”, he concluded, as Kay tried to contain her giggles and keep her dignity intact, succeeding almost completely.

“Holy fucking shit, man. Your ass got adopted by a God, and you God now? And married another God chick? Person of God, Lady Karuna? You made it, man. Fuck!”, the demon scratched his head.

“You can say that again. However, I hear that you made quite a commotion over the hearsay, so I wanted to set the record straight. Like, this is your captain speaking, please calm the fuck down, remain seated and listen to the fucking flight attendant. Nothing’s going on, at least nothing bad. Lots of good stuff sure going on”, Azazel grinned, squeezing Kay’s hand.

“Wow wow wow, time out please”, Mephisto made a T sign with his hands. “You say you ascended to some other world after your soul-structure got upgraded? Is that what happens when other souls brighten up and disappear? They not dead?”

“Completely and utterly not dead”, Azazel nodded. “In fact, this place looks much more like death than life, compared to the other one. However, no assholes or bullshitters allowed”, he pointed at the demons and the big white astral souls preoccupied with looking spiritual. “There’s actual qualification involved, and the name of the game is size and purity. You all have plenty of size, but no purity, so no go, unless you get your shit together and change your fucking ways”, he explained seriously.

“How did you come back here, then, and why?”, enquired Baal.

“Easy, I opened a portal between worlds. Both my wife and I can do that now. And why, well, that’s also easy. I heard you folks went up in arms and made a riot over me supposedly getting killed, when I didn’t, so I wanted to get your facts straight. Nobody got killed; in fact I got adopted by a God and married to a Goddess, so I’m living a good life now, as you can see, so you all folks can calm the fuck down”, he laughed.

“No way you Azazel. He black!”, one demon exclaimed incredulously.

Azazel grinned, morphed into a terrible black cloud of frightening density and disposition. “Is I black enough for you now, bitch motherfucker?”, a menacing, terrible voice sounded from it, making all the demons wince, and the previously incredulous demon made himself very inconspicuous and small, whining in terror as yellow liquid pooled under him.

“Thought so”, Azazel morphed back to his humanoid form and grinned, waving a hand to clean up the mess.

“So, who wants to know how the world actually works, where the souls actually come from, how they ascend, and what’s the actual purpose of life?”, he enquired with his characteristic smile.

…

“I love how you used your history with them and knowledge of their ways to put them at ease, my love”, Kay smiled at her husband and kissed his hand. “You reached out towards them, spoke their language, made yourself comfortably familiar, and then completely dismantled that whole uprising and circus”.

“I hope I didn’t startle you with that demon talk, sweetheart?”, he smiled.

“Not at all; I could see exactly what you were doing and why, because I’m in your heart and I know what’s in there”, she smiled blissfully.

“I am relieved”, he laughed. “So, another round?”

“Blue sheep?”, she asked.

“That sounds like a Silicon Valley startup, but yes”, he smiled, took his wife’s hand and opened another portal.