“I saw you a few days ago, you know, when you were talking to that other demon, Santa Claus or whatever his name was. I told my husband that you are both worthless as rocks and bricks if not worse, and as disgusting as that karmic sludge he’s transforming. And look at you now. I’m astonished at your progress, if you can even call it that, and not a nuclear blast.”, Shakti smiled at Azazel.
“I’m honoured to finally meet you, Mother”, he smiled back. “And as for that conversation, I actually share your opinion on its nature, as well as its participants; in fact, it was that very conversation that motivated my radical change of course, as I became disgusted with myself to the point where I would rather risk getting impaled on Lord Shiva’s trident, than look at myself as I was”, he frowned.
“I see angels in Heaven frozen in shock from the sight of your transformation”, Shiva sipped his coffee and smiled at Lord Zee and Lady Kay. “They are completely unable to understand what happened”.
“Which makes me wonder, really; it’s not like we did something that was out of the realm of possibility for those others. We talked to you and Lady Lakshmi. We paid attention. We thought about it and what it meant. We observed your persons and actions. We adored and admired you, and we loved each other. We did literally nothing else”, he scratched his chin. “So how the fuck is what we did exceptional in any way?”
“That’s the trick, Zee”, Lord Vishnu joined the conversation. “You did nothing else”.
“What do you mean, my Lord?”, asked Lady Karuna.
“I mean it in a very literal sense. It’s a large world with billions of beings. You know what literally all of them do? They get to know each other. Then they talk, compare experiences, meet more people, talk to them, and after you’ve done it with a billion people, a billion years passed”, he grinned. “They talk about philosophy, they practice making artefacts, they make music, they explore complex relationships, they try out all sorts of energies. Some even meditate or worship the Gods… among other things. But you two, you did literally nothing else, and you focused on it with your entire beings. The results were extreme and instantaneous”.
“But wait, I can’t believe that those other angelic beings haven’t been informed of the same things we were. It’s implausible that we were the only ones you told that thing about the accretion of soul stuff and the kalapa fountain in the heart, and the veil between the Absolute and the Relative becoming permeable and eventually letting go completely”, Lord Azazel protested, looking at his father.
“Indeed. Whenever there are new souls there, and that doesn’t actually happen that often, one of us sits them down and explains the fundamentals.”, Shiva confirmed.
“And?”, Kay asked wide-eyed.
“And nothing.”, Shiva shrugged. “They nod, store it for later use and forget about it. They think about all the things that await them in that new beautiful eternal world they arrived in. They think about all the friends they are going to make, about all the things they want to talk about, or do. They have all the time in the world, of course. They are in no hurry. They are Eternals, they are Angels. Or they think what we said doesn’t apply to them, at least not now, as they are; maybe later. Or they think it’s a good idea, get excited about it theoretically, but they don’t actually do anything. And so on”, Rudra took another sip of coffee and grinned.
“My mind fails to process this degree of complacency and reversal of priorities”, Azazel slapped his forehead as if trying to jump-start his brain. “How can anyone be such a fool as to have the means of apotheosis given to them by a God in person, and then waste time fucking around and talking about the colour of shit or whatever it is they do?”
Shakti giggled. “I like his thinking”, she winked at Shiva, who wisped her a box of chocolates.
“But you do get it now, yes?”, Shiva looked pointedly at Azazel and Karuna.
“You mean, the problems and stagnation you talked about, regarding Heaven and the Eternals?”, Kay asked shyly.
“Exactly”, confirmed Lord Rudra. “They aren’t exactly going anywhere, or even seeing a reason to. As far as they are concerned, they have arrived. They are fine. That’s how things are – there are four Gods above them, they are enlightened and eternal, and what’s left there but talk about music and philosophy?”, he mocked.
“I am trying to understand how they are different from those retards in the astral nursery, that third or half or whatever that just sits there and grazes like a herd of damn sheep”, Azazel made disapproving gesture and sipped coffee.
“They are blue”, added Lady Lakshmi, to which all giggled.
“They are indeed blue”, nodded Vishnu. “Which is why that Jewel of mass destruction, harmful and terrible as it is, looks like the only way to reshuffle that place, unless we resort to nuking it altogether”.
“An interesting concept”, Zee was deep in thought. “They don’t feel like doing what you advised them, thinking it’s merely something Gods do, and it doesn’t apply to them, not realising that the Gods became so by doing exactly that, and then continued doing it because what the fuck else is one to do, other than the best thing there is?”, he grumbled. “But when that insane maggot Sanat Kumar offers them a trap that’s meant to turn them into slaves, fertilizer or his worshippers, because all glory to the One and Only Creator of the World, I guess, or formulates it as a challenge for them to irk their egos, they’ll throw themselves head first into the wood chipper with full enthusiasm”, he finished as lightning started sparking from his eyes, to Kay’s endless amusement and a fit of giggles.
“But look at it this way, my love”, she suggested, “Anyone who gets into that honey pot will actually have to change their thinking and make actual spiritual progress in order to get out, and the alternative would be getting destroyed, rather than being eternally safe. If you’re in a dangerous environment where everything is trying to either enslave or kill you, you don’t have the luxury of sitting in a metaphorical sofa for a zillion years discussing the difference between two shades of blue”, she grinned and blew blue flower petals at her eternal love.
“I guess some people literally need the hard way”, he smiled at his bride. “Or, alternatively, the blue sheep will turn into blue hamburgers”.
“Let me remind you that destruction of eternal angelic beings is still a tragedy”, Lady Lakshmi frowned, not amused by their jokes.
“I apologise, holy Mother of Beauty and Fortune”, Zee bowed and smiled at her. “However, isn’t it a tragedy from a position of the unmanifested brahman that only six people in a zillion years out of how many billions qualified candidates actually bothered to claim it as themselves?”, he countered.
“He does have a point, my love”, answered Lord Vishnu. “If they don’t have a true desire for God, could anyone remind me what exactly would be the point of their eternal existence?”, he looked around, as if truly asking.
“Beeee!”, bleethed Lady Shakti cynically, and everybody did their best not to spill coffee or turn the table over in fits of laughter, with only some of them actually succeeding.
“I’m afraid that the formerly safe existence as an eternal sheep is suddenly going to become much more precarious”, nodded Lord Shiva. “And we will have to wrap up that bloody mess and clean after ourselves, my darling wife”, he warned.
“Oh goody”, she rolled her eyes. “Can we at least do it in some tropical paradise, sipping cold peach tea?”
“How about a genocidal war zone?”, Shiva grinned.
“Typical”, Shakti grinned, and the rest of the girls giggled.