“Hello Dudley”, Harry greeted the big man who opened the apartment door for them. “I’d like you to meet my wife, Lyra”.

“Mr. Dursley”, Lyra smiled and nodded.

Dudley stood there with mouth open, until he finally understood that he should invite them in and offer them a seat.

He looked at Lyra, then at Harry. “You got married, huh?”

“Yes”, Harry nodded. “I sent you an invitation”.

“Must’ve misplaced it”, Dudley fumbled. “So, what are you two doing in life? Got a job?” He looked at both of them.

“In fact we did.”, Lyra nodded. “We work in magical law enforcement”.

Dudley whistled. “You’re cops?”

“Well, sort of.”, Harry confirmed. “We’re Aurors.”

“Aurors? What’s that?”

“Highly trained special forces unit. We locate and apprehend dangerous dark wizards who broke the law. Usually armed murderers and terrorists”, Lyra answered.

Dudley’s eyes spread wide and looked like they would pop out of their sockets. “Special forces? But I thought…”

“You thought Harry was harmless”, Lyra smiled. “Harry is indeed harmless to you. We have a law against hurting Muggles. Even letting you know all this is possible only because you’re family and already know some of it, so it doesn’t go against the Statute of Secrecy. Hurting a Muggle is one of those crimes one would get in trouble with the Auror office, in fact.”

“You mean, you and Harry get sent to deal with terrorists with magical wands?”, Dudley managed to put his confusion into words.

“That’s correct. We find them, we apprehend them, and if they resist arrest, their bodies get delivered to the Ministry of Magic for identification purposes”, Lyra smiled.

Dudley looked at the two slender young people. “But…”

“You seem to think we don’t look dangerous enough. That, I’m afraid, is very far from the truth. You see, Harry qualified for his job by challenging the most dangerous magical terrorist and murderer in the world and killing him in a duel in front of the entire school of Hogwarts. He is universally considered to be the most powerful and dangerous wizard in the magical community.”, she looked at Dudley seriously, and then smiled at her husband. “They call him The Master of Death”.

“She’s not telling it like it is”, Harry grinned. “She’s much tougher and more dangerous than I am. She had the highest grades on the Auror entry exam in history.”

…

Harry couldn’t stop laughing as they came home. “Did you see his face?”

“I thought it was appropriate payback for his abominable treatment of you during your childhood”, Lyra smiled and kissed his hand. “I couldn’t just let this go”.

“Unfortunately, the next house visit will not be as pleasant”, he reminded, kissing her back.

“I know”, her shoulders fell. “I hate visiting the Weasleys”.

“Want to talk about it?”

“You know most of it already. Arthur is a man-child playing with toys rather than taking care of his family properly, and Molly is a devouring mother who refuses to let her children grow up and keeps acting as if they are all seven years old so that she would keep having a purpose in life. The entire atmosphere they are creating is suffocating, oppressive slop that is centred around avoiding every single important and serious issue, and their reaction to touching any such issue is defensive, self-righteous and disproportionally violent. They are terrible people disguised as a loving, care-free family”, she allowed herself the freedom to blow off steam.

“When I was a small child, after my terrible experience with the Dursleys, the Weasleys looked like heaven. Molly was kind, gentle and treated me like a son. Arthur was kind, calm and nice. Their kids were all very nice to me, treated me like one of them, and it was the first proper family I had, and I would lie if I said I didn’t love them. But when I hear your perspective, I can’t say you’re wrong. I just never looked at it that way”, Harry mused. “When I look at it from where you come from, I can see why Charlie, Bill and Percy went their own way and why they keep their distance. Molly even managed to antagonise Fleur before their wedding, and you know what a wonderful lady Fleur is.”

“They fear being devoured and deprived of their life”, she noted. “Even Fred and George, who couldn’t take anything seriously to save their life, became respectable businessmen, with your help, and went their own way. Poor George.”, she sighed. “Just look what happens to Ron when he visits. He turns from a war hero who lived in a tent in the woods, hunted Horcruxes and learned enough Parseltongue to open the Chamber of Secrets, into a couch potato, when he’s there. It’s like his soul leaves his body. They are worse than the Dementors. With the Dementors, you at least know what they are. Molly and Arthur are like two Dementors that look like a loving, happy family”.

“Ready to face the Dementors?”, Harry smiled, rubbing her palm with his thumb.

“I guess”, she smiled painfully. “I endured worse”.

…

“Kreacher, please open the door”, Lyra whispered, looking exhausted after a stressful evening. “It’s Hermione”.

“Yes, Young Mistress”, the house Elf croaked respectfully. “I will bring her right in”.

“Hello Lyra. Harry”, Hermione tried a smile. Her eyes were red and puffy and she’d obviously been crying. They both rose in alarm. “What happened?”

“I broke up with Ron”, she started crying again, and Lyra embraced her and held her.

“You saw it. We came there, and he turned into a child as usual. It’s like his brain regressed to the point where he’s still nursing when he’s there. He’s never really serious and focused, but at least he’s trying. But when he sees his mother, he’s five. And then I looked at the two of you – the way you are with each other, how relaxed but sharp and focused you are, the way you talk to each other exchanging complex ideas and telling love poetry to each other, and my heart broke. I look at him and think, why am I doing this to myself? I don’t want my life to be like this. So I gave him an ultimatum, and it became an ugly fight where he was defending his mother and accusing me of all sorts of things the Weasleys accuse people who tell them to clean up their act, and I was done. I broke up with him.”, she sobbed.

…

It was three weeks since she was alone. It wasn’t good, but it wasn’t horrible any more either. Lyra and Harry were life savers; they pulled her through the worst of it. It also helped to vent in letters to Viktor; her heart went warm at the thought of him. He was such a good friend.

The door rang and she went to see who that is. Hope it’s not Ron.

“Viktor?”, she stood stunned.

“Hello Hermione.”, he smiled. “Mind if I come in?”

“Sure, of course”, she smiled back. “Where did you come from?”

“Bulgaria, believe it or not.”, he laughed. “It’s not the easiest travel with either the broom or apparition, but trains help”.

She laughed. “I got that part. What I mean is…”

“Why now? Well, I got a few of your tear-stained letters and I decided that we have this thing upside down, and I decided to make it right. You see, there’s a name for a man in your life whose shoulder you cry on when something hurts you. The name is ‘husband’, not ‘pen pal’, so I decided that the character of our relationship is due for a serious revision. Will you be my wife, Hermione Granger? I love you, and I loved you since the Yule Ball, but somehow you sorted me into your friend zone, and that needs to change. Will you marry me?”, he opened a small box with an engagement ring.

Hermione stood there, in shock first, then in thought, and then a smile appeared, and became wider until she looked like she swallowed a small sun. “Yes. Yes I will. For someone who called Ron dense, it sure took me long enough.”

…

“The relationship with the Weasley is going to become tense now”, Lyra noted.

“I’m afraid that’s inevitable”, Harry nodded. “However, it’s either that, or we watch Hermione slowly die within, and it breaks our hearts. Honestly, I see no part of this that they didn’t bring onto themselves.”

“True, but that’s not going to make it any nicer”, Lyra shrugged.

“I think I’m done with ‘nice’. ‘Nice’ always seems to be a chocolate-covered turd”, he grinned, as she burst into laughter.

“Why, Mr. Malfoy-Potter, that language is unbecoming of your sublime grace”, she managed.

“My Princess, while that may or may not be so, seeing how immensely done with their shit we both became, it surely is appropriate”, he kissed her.

“Finally, you managed a proper reply”, she fumbled. “Well, almost”.

“I had a good teacher, your graceful highness”. He kissed her again.