“How do you do it? Your public speeches have them completely engaged and focused. You get them to laugh. I put them to sleep. I try to be thorough and precise, and all I manage to do is have them check their watches”. Lyra was finished doing Hermione’s hair, and was now doing her nails. Of course they could have done it with magic, but where was the fun in that? She smiled.
“Your mistake is in assuming you’re fighting their lack of information and wrong ideas. Your approach is to create a meticulous, very well researched argument, and then you start with everything everybody would normally miss. So, of course, you lose them in the first sentence.” Lyra applied the acrylic gel very carefully to Hermione’s finger. Normally, it would require UV light to cure, but they did that part with magic.
“Also, your mind is your greatest weapon, so you’re behaving like a person who has a hammer and keeps acting as if everything were a nail. Talking to people is not the same thing as writing a scientific paper. You’re fighting their ignorance, yes, but mostly you’re fighting their boredom, lack of attention, and belief that they have better things to do later. You need to engage them in such a way that they forget about everything else, and you do it by wrestling away their attention from everything else and commanding it instantly. Are you familiar with the medieval mnemotechnic methods? Coena Cypriani, in particular?”
Hermione raised an eyebrow at the sudden topic shift. “I heard of it, but I can’t say I gave it much thought. Why?”
“Well, they used colourful imagery, that instantly catches attention and wakes up the mind, in order to make something possibly boring or unremarkable extremely easy to remember. It would be something related to sex, indignity or absurdity, and once you remember the funny version of a story, you never forget it, and it’s easy to reconstruct and remember the actual version. That’s the method I use in my speeches. I get their attention with something colourful, and once I have them listening, I just tell them what I need them to know”, Lyra smiled as she applied the dye to the last fingernail of Hermione’s right hand. She closed her eyes, and in a brief flash of magic the dye was cured. Hermione offered her left hand. “Remember how I addressed the Wizengamot after the war?”
“Everybody in the world remembers it”, Hermione smiled. “It was published verbatim in the Daily Prophet, and it became the cornerstone of our politics ever since”.
“Honoured ladies and gentlemen, allow me to bring your attention to a very interesting fact that I noticed. We just won a war against a group that liked killing and torturing people very much, and all of it justified by the supposed fight for wizard supremacy. They had all kinds of derogatory names for people who didn’t share their beliefs. One of them was ‘blood traitor’. I find this term quite funny, since I did some looking into things, inspired by my glorious husband. You see, he brought it to my attention that anything less than three children per couple leads to biological extinction with mathematical certainty. One would expect this to be the cornerstone issue of wizarding politics and ministry policy, but on the contrary, it is never mentioned. The pureblood families instead talk a lot about pure blood and how much it matters, but when it comes to actually making pureblood babies, they always seem to have something better to do – things such as killing or torturing pureblood wizards and witches. Just look at Albus Dumbledore and Gellert Grindelwald. They spent their youth conceiving plans for wizard supremacy, but they never bothered to conceive some actual wizard babies, and so both their families were extinct. The Crouch family had only one son, who was so busy with pureblood supremacy politics that he never bothered to marry, so their family went extinct. The Lestranges, too, cared so much about pure blood that they both never bothered to have children. After all, who would have time for something as trivial, when more important things were at hand, such as torturing the Longbottom couple to insanity and ending up in Azkaban. Even when wizards and witches actually bothered to have children, they would usually stop at one. My own parents used to be the paragons of pureblood supremacy, but they spent their fertile years in political scheming and only bothered to conceive one daughter, whom they, I am sorry to say, exposed to all kinds of dangers by turning our ancestral home into the headquarters of Lord Voldemort and his murderous followers. I could have been killed at any moment and I spent three years in mortal terror; and that’s how they treated an actual pureblood heiress, the only hope for their ancient family to continue. So, I recommend that we redefine the term ‘blood traitor’ for people like the Dumbledores, Crouches, Lestranges and my own parents. They betrayed their blood by allowing their families to come to the brink of extinction, or merrily cross into it, all the while making big statements about the importance of pure blood that served to demean the ‘lesser’ wizarding families, such as the Weasleys, whom I’ve heard addressed in all sorts of derogatory names, ‘blood traitors’ being the foremost, and yet, if we had to name a family that is at no threat of extinction, it would be the Weasleys, because they are a pureblood family that treated their pure blood with enough respect to actually bother having seven children. If anything, they should be given a medal for their great service to the wizarding community, because they acted in honour of their blood, where others spent mere words. And while we’re at that, I will now bid you farewell, because I have a baby to make.”
“You were absolutely hilarious; you had them switch from laughing to deathly seriousness and back to laughter. But your next speech, that was even better”, Hermione laughed so hard that her hand shook and Lyra had to pause painting her nail.
“Most respected judges, I have been called here to tell you about the anti-Dementor spell that I devised. I will do so, but only after I explain the necessary conditions that made its creation possible. You see, there are certain expectations in society, such as that my husband and I, both members of the magical law enforcement, are working when we are at the Ministry, or out in the field, hunting werewolves, dementors and death eaters. But that would be such an unfortunate mistake, because two Aurors, who are also husband and wife, never actually stop working. For instance, at one point we were in bed, resting blissfully after a very enthusiastic effort at making a baby, when I thought that our present state was very much the opposite of what a Dementor is, and thought to make use of this by making a spell that relied on the specific state of both our souls. I would never have thought of it in that boring office, that would make one into a Dementor sooner than giving them an idea on how to defeat one. And why are wizards and witches even spending their best years in that building, pretending to be muggle clerks at the tax office? We are magical beings. We can communicate at a distance. We can connect to coworkers easily from home. We can apparate instantly if there’s a need. I don’t even know who thought of a brilliant idea of wasting magical lives in order to emulate the dreadful muggle bureaucracy that is inherently devoid of everything magical. We can do so much better. We can accommodate for married couples and treat them as a unit, rather than pretending they are separate individuals. Married couples are so much more effective as a team than anything else, and this fact is completely ignored. Also, women are treated as if they were men – and so, no accommodation has been made for the fact that they might want to have babies. It’s actually discouraged and seen as unprofessional, or unbecoming. Believe it or not, I actually hunted down a werewolf while I was six months pregnant, and I think I handled myself quite well. Unfortunately, he resisted arrest, as they somehow always happen to, but that is beside the point, which is that we can’t have an effective repopulation policy unless we stop separating the married couples, having them waste their best reproductive years in dull offices doing paperwork, and treating women with proper respect only if they emulate men, who are never pregnant or breastfeeding an infant. Of course it would be foolish to relegate women to a housewife role only, since we can’t afford to be deprived of their brains and abilities. But we must create an option for a woman to integrate motherhood with career in ways that would make things easier for her, and not create a double burden. Do not underestimate the importance of marital intimacy in a deeply professional setting; I hear that my spell is esteemed quite highly. I just wanted you to know how it came to be, and that, by the way, is a pun. Thank you for your attention”.
“That was fun, especially considering I was so far along with my pregnancy, I was almost in labor when giving that speech”, Lyra grinned, curing the dye on the left hand.
“I would know, since I helped with the delivery, as you well know”, Hermione smiled at her best friend. “And mine was not much behind.”
“So, about the speeches. You seem to think that more evidence and logic will be more convincing. Sure, put it all in the footnotes of a printed copy you give out to the audience. If they want evidence for some thesis, they can find it there. Just don’t lead with that. Give them the bottom line, give them very visual examples that illustrate it, and then just indicate that there’s more if they’re interested. Give them an example from real life. For instance, if you want them to take House Elf rights seriously, tell them about Doby or Kreacher. Make them feel like the actual persons they are. Don’t get too abstract. I know, you do it because you’re good at it but it’s counterproductive at times”, Lyra smiled and returned the hand with the freshly finished nail job.
Hermione hugged her. “Thank you, my goddess”, she giggled.
“Wait, how am I your goddess if I’m doing your hair and nails?”, Lyra hugged her back. “I thought I was your lady’s maid”.
“No, you’re just a wonderful goddess who has a very intimate and personal relationship with your worshipper”.
Lyra whined out of embarrassment, to Hermione’s delight. “Beige pink?”
“The usual”, Lyra smiled as Hermione took her hand.