I was thinking about something, related to the last book and to how some people understand it.
What I need you to understand that the reason why nobody knows the things I wrote about, why nobody could possibly know them or verify them, unless they were one of the people there, or were told what happened by one of the people there. It’s because nobody has the right to know. You can’t access “akasha records” and see it. It’s beyond anybody’s access privileges.
How can I know? I’m not you. The way someone like Goddess acts with me is not the way she would act with you. If you tried to see yourself in some kind of an intimate situation with the Gods, behaving as if you’re one of them, the impudence of it would spiritually degrade you so much, I don’t recommend even thinking about it.
Let me just tell you an anecdote I didn’t describe before. Once, Goddess wanted to get in touch with me, and went past the Judges. They wanted to warn her about the rules of engagement, the strict limitations imposed by this place and the contracts. She didn’t pay them a single look, and the way her presence felt made the Judges remain silent because they didn’t want to tempt fate, as she was in a very foul mood, and didn’t feel like entertaining idiots. Shit froze in their asses from Her mere presence in passing, because one wrong move with Her and you die. And those were the Judges. I already wrote who they are and what their order of magnitude is, and what they are to you. However, she adhered to all the rules precisely, because she knew them better than anyone.
She’s intimate with people who are her family and friends since long before you were one of those fluttering butterfly newborn souls born from some event between them. If you’re not one of those people who were there when Time was a new thing, do not assume any kind of friendly familiarity, because we don’t appreciate that. Start with respect, and learn. Don’t rush head first into things that would make Angels shit themselves, because they know better.
I keep seeing all kinds of nonsense people come up with, where they imagine themselves in some kind of a romantic context with some deity. I find it abominable. Just fucking imagine yourself being drooled over by some person you don’t even know. If you find the idea pleasant, you’re an idiot and a creep.
That accursed Vedanta thing that made everybody believe they can imagine God in any form and imagine themselves in a romantic or sexual context with a deity and God would have to oblige because God is some impersonal ocean of consciousness you can mould into whatever you want, it did incredible amounts of damage due to sheer disrespect it caused, and disrespect causes more damage to souls than any other kind of sin. It made people treat God as a personal figment of imagination under their control, something created ad-hoc to fulfil a purpose and be disposed thereafter. So, they act with a God the way they would act with a sex toy of some kind – something that exists because of them, and for their uses. This attitude doesn’t cause spiritual progress. It causes degradation and fall.
That’s why I’m shocked by the fact that people don’t actually understand the implications behind that last book, especially when they think everybody should be able to verify things and others should also be able to know. That assumption comes from some satanic idea such as egalitarianism. Everybody should be able to do nothing. That’s why the fact that I can know those things has implications. I’m not everybody. The fact that I was given permission to write those things down is an extreme privilege and a blessing. They could have as well told me to keep it to myself, as they did for many things before.
I already told you that God gets a say. God is not some passive pool from which every cow gets to drink. Brahman is such a pool, but your relationship with God determines your level of access to that pool. If you access God with respect, admiration, worship and understanding of what you’re dealing with, this correct attitude will open up a wellspring within your soul from which brahman will manifest more in you; basically, you get water from that lake to drink. If you approach Gods, Angels, Judges and other seniors without respect, your soul will dry out and you will wither and die, and God will see that it is good.
Learn humility or die. I don’t actually care which one it will be, but if you approach the Gods without humility, you will be dealt with.
There’s a story from Bhagavatapurana about a Brahmana who wanted to test the Gods to see which one has the most sattvo-guna in his makeup. It didn’t end well for him or his descendants, because Lady Lakshmi wasn’t amused, and she withdrew her blessings. Nobody gets to treat her holy husband disrespectfully and walk away with impunity. There are consequences of arrogance and presumption, and you might wish never to find out what they look like from up close.
If I could un-read all the Vedanta stuff I read as a kid, I would in an instant. Most influential book on me was Voice of Freedom by Vivekananda. It was so inspirational, that I have read some chapters probably hundred times and almost knew them by heart. And yet, behind the inspirational and uplifting writing hides a very nasty, evil philosophy which I swallowed hook, line and sinker: God is impersonal, God is a field (of energy), we just have to tap into it and manifest it. And then it turned out that there is probably no evil, which you cannot justify with Advaita Vedanta, and that Vivekandanda was sugar coating a very evil spiritual trap.
If God is not a person, you can do anything, because nobody is a person, we are all just field, in the end and will return to Brahman, so what's a little sin, disrespect, forcing of your will onto others – between in the end impersonal beings that are illusion anyway?
At some point years later I burned that book together with my other "spirituality" books in a literal pile down to crisp, but I did not burn down the influence it had on me, and it had caused me and other people through me huge harm. I really regret that I didn't read what other kids read, Playboy or something like that, instead of Vivekananda, and truly hope he gets a hiccup in heaven each time somebody mentions his books.
I don't think that's your problem. I mean, I had problems caused by Vedanta, but my reaction to samadhi wasn't to treat other beings disrespectfully. It made me look at the cat from the position that it's brahman, I always became aware that the food is brahman before eating lunch, I treated people with respect because they are the eyes and minds of brahman. I interpreted it in a sense that I live in the mind of God who looks at me through all eyes and I need to treat everyone with respect due to God in a state of lacking awareness of their true nature. If anything, I went overboard with that and I needed to be taught that no, that's not how it actually works, that souls are a thing, quantitative differences matter, and so on. Your problem is that you suffer from the main character syndrome and you liked having an excuse for being an asshole, so you interpreted vedanta the way it suited you. You interpreted it in a sense that you're God because you're brahman and everything else is an illusion that's in service to you.
I am a great sinner and I apologize to everyone who was affected by my madness, stupidity, lack of care and disrespect and by all kinds of other sins that I am full of.
I worked pretty hard on trying to describe what it actually looks like, among the Gods. Respect, kindness, honesty, service, duty. Vedanta can't decide whether everything is brahman or everything is maya, and those who conclude that they are brahman and everything else is maya can end up in a place where you seem to be currently, and it isn't pleasant. However, as I said, vedanta is a very superficial system that doesn't teach very many useful things, and someone who would merely treat others with respect and kindness would be in the right place without much philosophy. Vedanta doesn't actually justify the main character syndrome, and yet I've seen many of its adherents develop it. It's strange, and it appears that people will always find a justification for what they want to do. Vivekananda, whom you mentioned, was by all accounts an impeccable person who treated others with respect and kindness. The error in his philosophy is that persons of God are merely packaging for the substance that matters; that they are a superficial, ephemeral interface. They are not; in fact, they are the whole point of the manifestation of brahman in the relative. The whole spiritual evolution has an endpoint in becoming a person brahman wants to be in the relative, and then it's brahman, not you, stating "I am that". You can enter samadhi and state "I am that", but that's not the important statement, because it's reversible and ephemeral. When you, however, reach a point of perfection where God wants to be you, that's how the journey of karma through evolution successfully finishes. Not by removing karmic dirt so that the light of brahman can shine through the relative, as vedanta would teach, but by karma ceasing to be dirt and becoming a jewel of such attractiveness and Divine nature, that God decides "yes, that's what I am".