I had a walk this evening and took the camera with me in case I find some interesting motives.

I found a thin log that used to be there to mark someone’s private property, but it was there for so long without anyone actually maintaining it, that it rotted away and collapsed. I found that to be a very good visual metaphor for things that I see everywhere lately. Aspects of society that were put there centuries ago when they were important, but since everyone caring about them died, it all crumbled away into something derelict, something so far removed from practicality that nobody even knows why it was there in the first place.

It’s not just that, either. I found things in my memory that were there, just waiting for me to make some sense of them while they were crumbling away, because I no longer cared enough to even pay them a thought. Things related to my native family, that got somewhat revisited when my mother died. I let the last connections to those people rot away almost two decades ago, when it became clear that those people are so perpendicular to my path that keeping any contact with them is pointless. My mother was always a pathological narcissist who destroyed all lives she touched; I broke all contact, and didn’t even come to her funeral (was it this year, or the last…?) because I believed she was truly dead and didn’t feel the need to check. My father was concerned that maintaining connections with a scandalous son who has two wives and believes in things that are very non-Christian will cause him issues with his Catholic friends and patrons, so he basically gave me a phone number that went straight to voicemail, but he could call me from it when he needed me. I shrugged and stopped trying to keep in touch. I was recently “pinged” from above to inspect some things regarding my brother. I used to think that when I started on my spiritual path in 1993, he did so as well, but I was recently given access to astral prints created by him in this period, and that was a shock, because he did nothing but maintain impression that he did, and remained the product of our parents’ upbringing in every way. What he actually did was electronics, and he became very good at that. Spirituality-wise, he basically picked up the lingo form me, but no transcendental experiences, nothing. At some point he basically invented some fake buddhist nonsense, proclaimed himself a Buddha, proclaimed himself immune to karma, and is currently a fake guru to the cult of one; himself. I didn’t know that 20 years ago when I broke all contact with him – because he was an egotistical, jealous, snarky bastard without any sense of respect or propriety – but I didn’t realise he was a completely fake person, not just a weak and nasty back-stabber. What I did know was that I was done with his shit and no longer had time for this. He was always an energetic chameleon; when he was around me, he adopted my patterns, and when he was around total assholes, he adopted total asshole patterns. Also, he thought he’d boost his ego by being rude and arrogant with me, especially in front of my students, which confused and disturbed people without any good reason, and he would do his Muttley snicker of glee, happy that he made a mess which means he exists. After a few of those, I simply let him go his own way, not giving him much of a thought. I hear he’s slandering me behind my back, but since he has negative charisma, the only effect of this is destruction of what was left of his reputation among the people unfortunate enough to have to deal with him, or who had the misfortune of taking him seriously at any point.

So, all of that is in about the same condition as that piece of wood, that was once a ramp that performed a function, but since nobody cared for decades, it rotted away from lack of energy and care invested in its maintenance. That’s how many things in my life ended – I just no longer cared whether they are there or not, and eventually they just stopped being there, and I still didn’t care enough to check. I simply had more important things to do.