Today I had to cancel our weekend trip to Plitvička Jezera national park, because Biljana was feeling too sick from the consequences of spending the karmic mass she pulled from the American attractor. I was messing with it as well, yesterday evening, and I managed to free some extremely mangled crystals. How much of a recovery they would have made normally is hard for me to tell, but I intervened further today and now they look merely traumatised, and no longer structurally damaged and marginally viable. I think, with help from the Judges and others, they might make a complete recovery.

Yes, that stuff from the book, it’s not fiction.

So, no pictures of frozen lakes with a dusting of fresh snow. Also no visits to emergency room somewhere in the middle of nowhere with high fever and barely conscious. Considering how exhausted and messed up we feel after a full day of just resting and doing nothing, cancelling everything feels like it was a very good idea.

It now reminds me of Americans and their insane bullshit – never give up, always push further, do more and so on. Yeah, if you’re an idiot, please do that. Me, I have different ideas. For instance, always give up when proceeding turns out to be a bad idea.

I once told Božo that the difference between him and me is that both of us climb trees, but I do it only when there’s fruit on the tree. Basically, there needs to be something there for me to make it worth the hassle. Diving headfirst into the American attractor and liberating the crystals, and then suffering the blowback that felt as if a garbage bomb exploded in my system, and repeating the process until I could no longer identify any salvageable soul-remnants, then recover somewhat, and intervene to restore them as much as the Will of God allows, that’s something I did because there was fruit on the tree. I didn’t feel like giving up because giving up would mean evil persisting and being invulnerable and attractive for one more day when I was in a position to harm it, it would mean agony for the trapped crystals, and permanent spiritual damage or even death for those I wouldn’t get out. My failure or giving up would be expensive. My persistence was also expensive and I’m now paying for it, but it’s the price I’m willing to pay.

In short, that’s my take on failure, giving up and losing battles. I’m fine with losing battles, giving up and failing, when it’s a minor thing at stake. When it’s something like a former angel possibly ending up as recyclable karmic material instead of a soul that can make a good recovery, I would be comfortable with failing only if persistence meant getting myself or someone else killed or terribly harmed. It’s always a cost-benefit analysis: what does it cost, what’s the risk, what’s the gain. What’s the price of failure, what’s the cost of victory. Then the result is “yes, I’ll dive into the working jet engine and recover someone, but I’m not driving on black ice in a snow storm while we’re both sick from this shit”.

So, no frosty waterfalls and fresh snow on the lakes, and no weekend off from this shit, because the timing seems to be too precise and urgent for fun and games. I do have some recent pictures of almond blossom and bees as a consolation prize, though. 🙂

I want to write this down before I forget it.

I don’t think it is fully understood how much “The Light Beyond” was actually revealed from above. It’s obvious that I wrote it down and that it includes my knowledge and that I formulated it into actual human language. The content, however, was another matter entirely. Let me cite an example.

It was day before Christmas. I was just finished writing Anthea and the post mortem. Romana was already jokingly asking whether I’m going to write something about Jesus, and I actually thought Zee and Kay were going to end up being Jesus and Magdalena, but I had no tangible ideas and just shrugged. On Christmas, it just started writing itself, the concepts came into my mind just in time as I was writing, and I was completely surprised by the direction of it all. For instance, I had no idea that Mary, mother of Jesus, was going to end up being a major character, and the way she morphed into Lakshmi in the end, instead of dissolving into her, was a complete surprise. Also, the part about the Kaustubha jewel was revealed during the night after Christmas, and I wrote it down in the morning. It’s as if it doesn’t matter whether I’m going to put some sentence in Kay’s or Zina’s mouth, but the important stuff with theological ramifications was completely micro-managed from above.

Also, I thought I was going to be writing about Milarepa, but he apparently didn’t want to be written about. That door was closed and I didn’t want to pry it open. I also expected Vishnu and Lakshmi to have had actual physical incarnations, but apparently not. I also didn’t actually know Jesus before, but Biljana did; she had darshan of him once, and says that how I described him is just right; it’s the same person.

What I’m saying is, I actually had expectations about where this was going, and sometimes things just flowed differently, and sometimes I felt as if I was writing a dictation, where the next sentence appeared as I finished the previous one. This book is not some fantasy writing inspired by religious concepts. It’s the real thing. Parts of it were revealed before, parts of it are my own memories, parts are dictated from above, and the rest of it is me mixing it up together into something that flows like a book.

I don’t actually know the purpose of this book. There’s an air of seriousness and gravity about it, that’s for sure.

ps. And yeah, there was no way I could have intentionally timed the chapter about Jesus on Christmas. Absolutely no way.

I’ve been thinking about something yesterday.

There’s a fundamental difference between how I define sin, and how the religions do it. They define sin as an absolute category, and they usually have a list of things that are sinful.

I, however, define sin as everything that removes your soul from alignment with God. This means that, for me, sin is a relative category.

Since people usually have a poor understanding of scientific and technical terminology, the fact that something is relative means it’s anchored to something else, and varies accordingly. It’s not an independent, absolute parameter.

What does that mean in practice?

It means that I can’t tell you what sin is for you. I can make a general statement about things that are usually sinful – murder, theft, deception and so on – but I can imagine circumstances where each would be justified. For instance, deceiving Nazis who ask where a Jew is hidden is virtuous. Stealing bread to feed a hungry child if you have no other options is virtuous. Murdering an armed criminal who broke into your house in order to defend your family is virtuous. All kinds of things that are sinful in general can be virtuous or at least excused in another set of circumstances. Like Krishna said, “there is nothing better than truth, in either this world or any other, but truth is sometimes not a good thing to say, and a lie sometimes is”. Basically, if the Nazis ask you where Anne Frank is hidden, truth is definitely not a good thing to say in these circumstances, but whether you outright lie or say something evasive, that might depend on what’s more expedient in the circumstances. This makes the correct action both very clear and also relative. It’s clear in the sense that the Nazis are evil, Anne Frank is innocent, and you should protect the innocent from the evil. How you do it depends on the circumstances, in a sense that you need to improvise something that is most likely to work. This makes sin a very clear thing, but it also makes a correct course of action a relative matter, in a sense that “it depends”. Sometimes you are in a position to outright murder the evil people, and if it’s possible, that might be the best option. If force is not a realistic option, you can resort to deception or evasion. You can even decide to sacrifice yourself in order to save someone else. But, as I said, it depends. There’s no clear instruction manual for stupid people who don’t like to use their brains.

Also, I assume that you have alignment with God, so that you can see what keeps you there, and what removes you from that alignment. If you don’t have alignment with God, or don’t even know what that would be, it means you’re in a pickle. You are either completely ignorant and immature, or you are already influenced by sin to the point of complete spiritual misalignment. Here, we can speak of consequences of past sinful actions that condition your present state. You can also be intentionally deluding yourself in order to justify your past sinful choices. That happens more often than not. An aspect of this is that the worst sinners will tell you that they are fine, that they feel justified before God, they have nothing to confess or change, nothing that worries them. Those people are usually the kind that ends up on the wrong side of divine justice, in a sense that the Judge flicks them into hell without much thought or consideration. People who are pure usually have all sorts of things that trouble them, and the number increases as they are closer to God. They are never sure about all kinds of things they did, and how God will see them, and they can find all kinds of faults and problems with the things they did. I know I had quite a list, and I did go through it with God. For the most part, I got explanations why it’s fine. When it wasn’t fine, I found some way to fix it. That’s the difference between being sinless and being a sinner. If you’re sinless, it doesn’t mean you didn’t do anything wrong; it means you’re not holding on to your mistakes. To be a sinner is to make your mistakes a part of your worldview, to the point where you would outright reject God if he told you to change it.

There is also a big difference between being sinless and being perfect. Being sinless means you’re not holding on to sin and making it into a worldview. You can, however, be both sinless and immature or ignorant. It’s not like being sinless gives you an automatic entrance into Heaven. A rock is sinless. The goal is not to be merely free of sin, in a sense where you make mistakes, acknowledge that they were mistakes, correct them and move on. It is to manifest the will and nature of God in your life and choices. This makes the whole thing much more complicated than the religions make it seem, but in practice, it’s quite simple. There’s a scale of goodness, in a sense that a wide range of souls can be in alignment with God, but more or less sophisticated and developed. There’s also a scale of purity, where someone can be more or less pure, but it’s fine – you work on it. But there is also a clear point where one is obviously sinful and evil and such souls are discarded and destroyed. It’s not an exact science, which is why there are Judges, instead of some automatic algorithm that would measure you up and decide. It’s not that such a thing couldn’t be made. However, the reason why the Judges are entrusted to the task instead is because they can tell whether someone is just messed up, or he’s just wrong. Their “nose” is trusted by God more than any law, rule or algorithm could possibly be, because the Judges are of God. Their judgment is therefore also of God. They are allowed to do whatever they feel is appropriate, and there is no recourse, no higher court for complaints. In practice, it means they can help you go through things, explain, show how things actually work, show what you’re doing wrong and why, or even teach you sadhana that will correct your spiritual faults. Or they can crush you like a bug and throw what’s left of you to the compost heap. They are there because God trusts them. Whatever they decide, is the Will of God. Translated: don’t fuck with the Judges. You don’t get to talk to their manager. They are the ultimate authority on you. Even the other Gods who leave human existence are always very respectful with the Judges, because they are family; they are not feared, they are missed.

So, when I say that something is relative, hard to tell and it depends on the circumstances, it’s not some moral relativism of mine that’s causing me to say this. In fact, it’s how God sees this, and it’s the reason why the Judges exist and do a job that would otherwise be entrusted to a piece of code. It’s actually so hard to tell that you need to be either a highly qualified Angel or a Person of God to be entrusted with the task. Considering that, you can imagine that some list of rules that earthly religions love so much isn’t going to cut it, either.