I said that a line has been drawn at vajra, and that souls that are not made of at least that will be considered non-entities and wiped out as this world ends. I think this requires more explanations.

First of all, some souls were made of such stuff before incarnation here, but got lost and didn’t attain enough skill and purity to make a full circle and realize this in the material world. As unfortunate as that may be, the consequences of such partial incarnation are likely to be merely awakening in their full power at the other side, wondering what the fuck that was and how did they manage to get so lost and confused. Essentially, other than having that incarnation as a shameful reminder that they are not as powerful as they thought of themselves, they do not necessarily lose much. However, I don’t know the details. If they pledged something, and its return is contingent upon success in the material world, that would have been lost. I’ve seen such instances and it’s never pretty. Also, not attaining full initiation in the material world is only one of the modes of failure. One can also make spiritual choices that are harmful or binding, and that’s a mess in its own right. Basically, failure to attain initiation is a failure to choose your true self in the world, which means you are lost in the sphere of things, and this exists in a range from harmless to really bad. I won’t get too much into how bad it can get, but I think spiritual degradation can be quite serious if you “spend” your spiritual wealth on the “upkeep” of a wasteful physical existence. So, basically, if you didn’t attain initiation into vajra in this life, it’s not necessarily a terrible thing, but it’s also never great. Best scenario, you get everything back as you die, and you feel like a damn fool. Worst case scenario, you can get seriously degraded if you did really harmful things, such as spending your spiritual wealth here. I think various uninitiated or partially initiated “spiritual teachers” tend to do that, and also some especially bad kinds of sin, such as willingly serving Satan, or pledging yourself to him in some way, or opposing God, or creating a false religion that is widely harmful, are in this category. Basically, you need to really fuck up; ordinary fuckups don’t really count. There are things that can break your soul’s vajra core or piss away its “jewels” in an unsuccessful incarnation, so a mere failure to attain initiation can be the least of your problems. Anti-initiation exists, you know. Making choices that are the direct opposite of those that would attain initiation can produce fractures in your soul, with all kinds of bad outcomes. Loss of soul-mass, degradation back to the status of an astral being, even complete destruction. So, the fact that you might have had high spiritual status before this incarnation doesn’t necessarily put you in the clear. If you fucked up hard enough, the consequences will be bad and permanent.

Second, why is vajra the place where the line is drawn, and not “white light” of anahata cakra, the stuff religions keep harping about – love, compassion and so on. Mostly because that stuff is so intertwined with animal biology it’s not really spirituality, not in most cases. Sure, you can feel love, but so did Hitler, and so does Joe’s dog. Had you actually attained purity of that state, vajra initiation would have commenced, because in my experience that’s how it works; you can’t have pure emotions in the “heart spectrum” if the layers beneath it are dirty, and if you attain and sustain those pure high heart-centered emotions, essentially metta, the loving-kindness, acceptance and flow of radiant love, for long enough (days or something in that order of magnitude), you basically qualify for vajra initiation. If the initiation doesn’t take place, you’re likely deluding yourself, and your karmic purity isn’t sufficient. If it does take place, you can still fail to attain it if you make bad choices. Essentially, you can say “no”. So, basically, initiation into vajra is the first step in spiritual growth that actually amounts to something, and it’s not a mere experience, such as samadhi or darshan. I’ve seen people who had all kinds of high experiences and became even worse assholes than they were before. Experiences, as such, don’t say anything about you, and they might actually be a test to see what you’ll do, not a sign of achievement of any kind on your part. If you have an experience of God and you react to it by attaining initiation, now that’s something else, because that says something about you: that you actually accepted what you were shown and became that. Failure to become means spiritual weakness and tepidity at best, and rejection of God at worst. In any case, it’s not good.

So, initiation into vajra means that you attained purity of thoughts and emotions, and you chose to rise above the entire sphere of filth and ignorance. That’s why it’s so important. Failure to attain it means failure to rise above filth and ignorance, basically. That’s why the line is drawn there. If you haven’t attained it, it’s testimony to your failure to rise above, and reject lowly things. Why would God want to keep you forever, eh? You couldn’t choose to be pure, non-binding loving-kindness for a week and you would somehow be fit for eternity with God? I don’t think so.

So, those who were not vajra-initiates before, need to attain it, and those who were, need to choose it. Failure to do so is never a good thing, but consequences vary in the range of being taken out with the rest of the trash, being given a chance to complete initiation in the real world, and being embarrassed by your failure but otherwise getting your stuff back. That’s an oversimplification, but I think it helps get the point across.

It’s serious business, life. If you fail to take it seriously, you will face the consequences. Everything matters – the things you experience, the things you do, the ways you react, what you choose to believe, what you love and what you reject, how you do things, and why. “Everything matters” means it’s consequential, in a sense that it has consequences. Sure, things like getting vanilla ice cream instead of chocolate don’t matter, but your background of consciousness while you do it matters. Purity matters, kindness matters, love matters, detachment matters, and if you combine those things that matter into a constant state that is your choice, higher initiation will follow. Otherwise, fuck around and you will find out.

There are several obvious points that need to be addressed regarding the topic of karmic cleansing, processing, transformation or whatever you want to call it, because the terminology isn’t really set.

The first is the fact that I noticed multiple people in the recent years having symptoms that very closely resemble mine. There are two obvious possibilities: they are either doing the same thing in the smaller quantity, basically participating in the same global process of disposing the garbage and at the same time using the chance to grow their karmic body, because this opportunity simply won’t be accessible elsewhere. The alternative possibility is that they have merely fallen under the influence of the ubiquitous astral field. Both possibilities are realistic and I guess it’s not excluded that both are true, even for the same person at different times, so I obviously can’t tell which is it. You’ll have to figure that one out for yourselves.

The second point that comes up is Jesus – this looks very much like what he did, so it would be interesting to know how much he actually managed to process during that one day of suffering. The Christians tend to think that his Divine nature is something that multiplies everything with infinity, and so his sacrifice is something that paid for all sin, past and future. Unfortunately, that’s not how this works, because a Divine and sinless nature is a prerequisite for one to do this properly at all; not the way a student would approach karmic processing, by praying for God to send him stuff to transform in order to grow his karmic mass in a controlled manner, and if this prayer is answered, they would get a very carefully dosed stream of karma to process, the amount they can handle at about 100% of their capacity, or less. The total amount of karma processed in this way would be a fraction of one’s own karmic body, a very small fraction, and it would still be excruciating and dangerous, because all their hidden and unsolved issues would pop like corn in hot oil, in addition to everything contained in the karmic mass to be processed. So, sure, this is still a very fast and effective method of spiritual growth, but for a beginner it’s exceedingly dangerous due to the fact that they haven’t resolved all the issues and if stuff resonates with their own, the probability of spiritual fall/apostasy is exponentially greater than it would be in case of, for instance, someone who is at least a vajra-initiate, and had therefore gone through the process of transcending the lower four elements. Also, the amount spent would be very small in absolute terms; it’s a small trickle.

When it comes to angelic and divine beings – essentially, starting with blue vajra initiates – their ability to process karma is also limited, because they need to create provisional lower bodies that will be used as buffers for processing, and the physical body has limits that don’t scale. Basically, there’s only as much you can put your physical body through before it simply dies. The astral body can be reinforced with higher substances, thus making it impervious to the kinds of damage it would normally take during such a process if attempted by a novice. This makes it possible for a master to transform amounts that are exceedingly large, but there are still limits, because you need to do it through the physical body, some stuff requires your body to be unprotected and damaged, and those amounts are the same for all incarnate beings. This means Jesus could spend much more karma than any novice could ever hope to, but would have the same systemic limitations as any other divine being. A rule of the thumb is that he could go through the same amount of karma in a day that a hundred people would need a few lifetimes to go through, but that’s about it. I was actually being generous.

Also, I usually say that Jesus’ mistakes guided me, and I know that people don’t understand it the way it’s meant. It’s actually a great compliment, because I mean it scientifically. It means that another scientist made an experiment that had to be made because nobody made it before and the result was not known. Now that he made it and the result is known, it doesn’t have to be repeated. Essentially, Jesus thought that he will manage to buy the world from Satan if he allows Satan to sin against him, and he thought that if he allowed himself to be killed, it would be a particularly big thing that will have immense redemptive power. The problem with getting yourself killed is that you’re out of the loop and you can’t redo it if it proves not to have been enough, and Satan will make sure you don’t get another chance. Jesus failed, obviously; what he did was manage to buy great opportunities for his disciples, who started a powerful new religion and the entire death and resurrection thing created the aspect of transcendence in the entire civilization that was completely absent before. So, it’s not that what he did was ineffective; it just failed to do what he intended, which was to end Satan’s rule right then and there. Instead, he introduced light and knowledge in what used to be deeper darkness, reducing Satan’s control to a point. It’s enough for him to be known as one of the greatest, and, also, his mistakes guided my efforts. Instead of allowing myself to be killed in a huge burst of karmic spending, which is what he tried, I decided to go for a marathon, because the sprint obviously didn’t work. Soon I understood why it didn’t – Jesus vastly underestimated the problem. The defences Satan wrapped around the systems that would have to be compromised and dismantled one by one, and there were many, are so strong, and so impervious to any normal kind of tampering, that the only way to even gain access is for Satan to commit grave sin against you, but you’d still have to remain incarnated in order to be able to do anything about it. You can’t do anything with any kind of brute force, regardless how powerful you are. There were multiple layers of mutually exclusive demands one would have to meet in order to even scratch those things, and you’d have to do much more than scratch them. You’d have to break them apart completely and spend the “dust”, and some of those things are incredibly dense, where every kalapa of that black terror would completely destroy the astral body of a normal yogi, because they interact with astral substance the way a black hole interacts with normal matter – a particle-sized black hole just tears through any kind of matter as if it were gas. It took me years to dismantle some of those structures, years during which the amount of suffering I went through was very carefully dosed to be just below deadly, because that’s what it took to deal with it, and my level of skill and ability to deal with this kind of stuff is unheard of.

The next point is whether any of this was karmically beneficial for me. It was. I don’t think I can describe the difference in any kind of human terms, so you’ll have to see the results in the real world, after this is over.

And the last point, obviously, is that this game is about to turn deadly for those who didn’t take this stuff seriously and chose to fuck around rather than work hard to attain higher initiation and exceed the requirements for surviving the end of this world, by basically becoming the kind of angelic beings God would wish to keep in the real world forever, and not merely agglomerations of astral matter whirled up by physical bodies that pretend to be persons. There are all sorts of quasi-spiritual abominations created in this world that won’t continue past its end. Jesus put it well – you either qualify for eternal life, or you get to be disposed of with other garbage. People misunderstand him and think basically everybody gets eternal life if it exists as a possibility at all, but he was quite clear. Eternal death, or, basically, death in time for those who don’t choose eternity, is a very real option, and the widest of all paths, the one almost everybody walks, gets you there. The widest path, traversed by billions, ends up in nothingness, while the narrow path, traversed by thousands, ends in eternal life. So, those who chose to fuck around are about to find out. There will be no trial, where they expect to make some kind of an argument that will get them off the hook. The trial was here, every second of every day. The judges know their every thought. What they will have is not trial, but execution of sentence.

The previous article is extremely important because it provides the key to one of the mysteries of this world, namely, why God allowed Satan to build it in the first place, and why he didn’t interfere, and why Satan wasn’t punished for it earlier.

Basically, he told you all that this place will give you a unique opportunity for spiritual growth, that you will “be like God”, to quote Genesis. This is not technically a lie. There is a method that makes this possible. However, this is the same as saying that Man has walked on the Moon. In fact, 12 men have walked on the Moon. A similar percentage of souls managed to utilise the method Satan advertised to all. The rest were harmed, maimed or killed.

Imagine a system where you indeed have a method whereby some of you will walk on the Moon, but those who try and fail will lose their property, limbs, health or life. Of billions that try, dozens succeed. However, you are not told the odds. Even if you knew them, due to the peculiarities of your condition you will be pre-disposed to think that those who failed are “losers”, that this system merely exposed their inadequacies and faults, which is what destroyed them, and you will indeed be told that it is so, because if it could be proven otherwise, Satan would have already been punished.

Basically, yes, you can become God here. What you’re not told is that in order to succeed in that, you need to already be God.

It’s like one famous photographer once said: in order to earn a small fortune with photography, you better start with a big one.

I’ve been doing several things lately that caused me not to write anything on the blog, most prominently I’ve been transforming massive quantities of karmic substance. The colloquial term for this would be “spending karma”, but I don’t think it’s appropriate, since the term “spending” has incorrect implications; it implies the Vedantic understanding of karma as some kind of dirt that needs to be removed in order for Atman to shine clearly, which is actually not the case. This is why I will now go into the weeds, so to say, and explain the mechanisms of working with the karmic substance, but assuming you’ve read my more recent books (“The Jewel in the Lotus” et al.) that deal with the basics.

“Dirty” karmic substance is, basically, a karmic aggregate with chaotic and low-energy bonds, that need to be broken, and their energy absorbed along with the constituent kalapas themselves. When you absorb this low-energy substance into your karmic body, it introduces all kinds of low-energy chaos that you need to deal with, basically going through the spiritual process that will “spend” the chaotic and “sinful” element of this through suffering, and you need to raise the overall energy of your system that was lowered by the introduction of the low-energy kalapas. Basically, it regresses your spiritual evolution somewhat, lowering your energy, but adds “mass” to your spiritual body, so when you finish absorbing and transforming it, the energetic body it was absorbed into will be quantitatively bigger. You would expect it to grow bigger by the amount of included mass, but that is not so, because the effort and suffering involved in the process are a positive karmic action, which adds kalapas to your karmic body. The quantity of this addition is quite tricky to calculate, because it’s not a simple function of the “f(x)=2x” type. From what I can tell, the additional amount is at least as big as the size of the karmic chunk that is transformed, so the f(x)=2x is the minimum. However, depending on many factors, it can be much more, but one would have to integrate it across the process, because it varies significantly.

This process is, essentially, a controlled and accelerated version of the standard process of karmic evolution, where a soul gains mass through virtuous efforts, and gains energy level through deeper understanding. The difference is, the yogic karmic transformation is faster, includes temporary spiritual degradation, and is extremely dangerous. How dangerous? Well, if you absorb too much, you can get spiritually lost during the process, and instead of you absorbing the chunk and raising it to your level, it degrades you to its level permanently. You thus gain mass, but lose your spiritual status. Also, if you really lose control, your soul can disintegrate. So, this process is excruciating at best, when everything goes well, and deadly at worst. Additionally, the kind of suffering it causes varies all over the place, but the worst aspect of it is loss of connection with God during the process, because, unsurprisingly, the main characteristic of “sinful”, low-energy karma is absence of connection to God. Also, the chunk in question can produce all kinds of emotions and ideas, that were involved in its creation, so you can imagine that this would be a problem if you’re not used to dealing with all kinds of filth. This is why puritanism of most yogic schools would be fatal here – if you’re not accustomed to being bombarded by all kinds of temptations and overcoming them on a routine basis, but instead your practice consists of removing temptations altogether, here you would find yourself in a situation where you can’t, and are forced to deal with stuff you normally just avoid, and if you aren’t able to deal with it, well, you then have a real problem for once. If your purity isn’t a result of actually facing and overcoming temptations, you will find yourself in a situation where you are literally forced to face and overcome them, in the most chaotic and uncontrolled of circumstances, where your very soul is flooded with chaos and strongly charged emotions, and all the usual tricks applied by the ascetics in order to avoid problems don’t work – you can’t remove yourself from the problem, you can’t empty your mind and wait for everything to pass etc.; you actually have to face the problem and find the actual solution. This is why such a process is an excellent test for actual yogis, who want to test their system for faults across the spectrum. It’s painful as all hell, and is a good cure for all kinds of pride, where people think they are so pure they are above worldly temptations that trouble the common people. As you are immersed in this raw sewage, and have to solve all kinds of “worldly problems” from the exact spiritual position a “worldly person” would have to solve them from, and not just resorting to entering a high spiritual state, because you simply can’t remember that it’s even real, let alone how it’s done, from this polluted state. You basically have to find your way back to God by diving through raw sewage of human sinfulness. It sounds terrible, but it’s probably much worse than it sounds, and explains why Jesus was so fucked during the process; the physical part of being whipped and crucified is bad enough, but not being able to feel God’s presence and instead being flooded by an ocean of sin, yeah, you better be made of God-stuff if you attempt that, or you will be permanently dissolved in this sewage, and your remains swept away. Quite literally, it’s the stuff hell is made of. It’s the fastest known method of spiritual growth, but also the most painful and dangerous. Those who attempt it for the wrong reasons, out of insecurity, pride or vanity for instance, are especially likely to be lost in the process. The best candidate for success here is someone who already went through a grueling, humiliating path in his own spiritual evolution, who is used to hardship, pain, humiliation and failure, and has a deep core of transcendental longing that was built under such pressures, a core that doesn’t depend on understanding, thought, emotion or energy state. Metaphorically, a housewife who learned to be in God while humbly doing all sorts of chores is likely to succeed. A successful career person, strong and emancipated, an “alpha male” or a “strong independent woman”, will crumble and be lost instantly. Literally, the probability of success while transforming a karmic load, for people weak enough to desire worldly emancipation, is zero, or at least has a limit in zero. Imagine yourself being completely socially degraded, thrown into some black ops prison where you are routinely tortured and fed through your arse if you try to kill yourself by refusing food, being treated like human trash without any rights by all kinds of bastards, while your mind is in total chaos, and your emotions are all kinds of dark. Now find your way back to God through that. Sure, that’s what really significant quantities of karma feel like to transform, but you actually want to be on the very limit of your abilities if you want to grow your karmic body quickly. Small amounts of karmic substance produce proportionally lesser suffering, but it’s never a good thing, and if you’re in any way spiritually weak, it will instantly expose your weakness.

So, paradoxically, the way to immense power goes through the darkest pit of hell, and as a result, the one with the greatest power will be the one who is used to the worst kinds of suffering; the souls that grow in what you would call normal conditions can never match this kind of power, which is good, because you actually want one with infinite power to have proved absolute incorruptibility.

Also, a prerequisite for this is to be karmically innocent. If you’re spending your own sinful karma, you’re not doing anything special.

I’ve been shown some things recently, and it got me thinking.

There are things that are unimaginable, but you can at least have some idea about them. Let’s say it’s like the aleph-0 infinity, the cardinality of N. Basically, the set is infinite, but the numbers themselves are something you can get your head around. It’s a conceivable, imaginable infinity. However, then there’s the aleph-1 infinity, the cardinality of R, where there’s a recursive infinity of elements between each element. That’s much harder to get your head around, but still conceivable and imaginable.

And then there are things where your brain just can’t do anything about them and fucks right off.

People think they can invent some paradox to disprove God’s omnipotence, such as “can God make a stone so heavy even He can’t lift it?”, like ha ha, if he can make it he can’t lift it so he isn’t omnipotent. However, God can trivially do it, just spawning a Universe-type with broken logic, or manifesting multiple persons that are God, of which one can create and the other one can’t lift, the way God can manifest one person that creates Universes, another that can die on a cross, and another that is the omnipresent transcendental source of blessing and guidance, where the Christians got it wrong only in assuming there are only three. That’s actually quite easy to understand. And then you get to things like God-person remaining at peace, seeing that it is good, and Goddess-person meditating on the God-person who sees that it is good, and She manifests that which is good recursively throughout Creation, manifesting dharmas, Gods, Buddhas, Bodhisattvas, Dakinis and so on, and that’s the Tandava dance, the golden flame dynamically and recursively burning things in and out of existence backwards/forwards in time, across possible existence-types, creating and discreating worlds. My mind broke when I tried to understand whether that would un-create things that I now perceive as extant, and would I remember them if that were so, and whether creating the ultimately good eternal outcome means creating things like Satan, or are they just allowed to do their thing because all that evil either doesn’t matter, or it actually creates conditions where God’s supremacy can fully be manifested, and when that happens, will all the evil never have happened, or will the bubble of Time merely pop in the hand of Eternity?

It feels so close.