I ended up modifying my smtp server so that gmail would no longer bounce messages; it was easier than I thought, some simple things on the linux side and mostly DNS work. SPF, DKIM and DMARC. Sounds obscure, but very easy to do if you have a good tutorial and know how to follow the instructions. Fortunately, I kept my Linux skills sharp enough for this kind of stuff.

So, I can now again use my own mail server instead of Google’s, until someone in America again decides to adopt, modify and extinguish some existing and perfectly good open protocol. To defend the world against all kinds of evils, of course, because they’re the good guys. That’s sarcasm, BTW.

I used to be annoyed about the part of the NDE experiences where people come before the Judge and he shows them the retrospective of their life. At that time, I was going through my memories with a metaphoric magnifying glass, finding everything messed up in order to fix it, and it seemed to me that my life is basically all about fixing traumatic shit – traumatic either because it was something I did wrong, or because I was in a desperate situation. In any case, it looked like there’s almost nothing good there, and yet it’s something that’s been put on my plate and now I have to deal with it. If, after all that, someone’s first idea is to make me look into all that again, after it’s all over, I thought I’d be so annoyed I’d chase that person around Heaven with a stick.

And yet, I recently had a situation where exactly that happened; someone showed me where to look, again, with a different perspective, and my whole understanding of my childhood had changed. Not because I missed something before; I was very thorough. I did, however, inspect only myself; my role, my condition, my actions, and apparently that was not enough, because other people’s roles and actions in all of that fundamentally change the whole picture.

It’s not that my approach was wrong. It was incomplete, but not wrong. It’s like handling a medical emergency without handling the war that caused it. Necessary, and good, but doesn’t actually deal with the wider picture.

I did try to understand what’s the point. It is now pretty obvious what happened – Satan seems to have deceived me and modified my life in order to harm me in a very specific way. Why is a different question.

It certainly had consequences, and if I assume that those consequences are what he aimed for, apparently he harmed me in ways that would distort my own perception of myself and make it impossible, or at least incredibly hard, to reclaim myself here, in this body. The goal seems to be to make it impossible for me to coalesce my physical experience and person with my true, original being, because he blew so much dust in my face, I was supposed to spend the rest of this life navel gazing somewhere – trying to repent for and correct my supposed sins, which turned out to be forced errors or even someone else’s faults entirely. Basically, someone else showered me with shit and then tried to convince me it’s obviously my problem – after all, I do stink. Wouldn’t be right to run away from facts, right? Fortunately, God knows better what the facts actually are. Convincing me of them, however, seems to be an ongoing effort, but I seem to be making progress now. I would expect it’s related to the karmic processing, because it’s making me stronger. Me, as a physical being with layers of spiritual energetics of a very high order, as opposed to me as a being that actually incarnates through this.

How does that even work? I mean, I get the general idea. You attain initiation here in the physical, and this creates an energetic layer that makes it possible for you to live a deeper form of spiritual reality, and in my case incarnate more of my true being. It’s a partial incarnation until you get those energy bodies high enough and solid enough that there’s basically no difference between that and the incarnating entity. But that’s not actually something that even happens, historically. Not in this order of magnitude. I feel there’s something of unique importance going on, and I can’t figure it out yet. It has the “on Earth, as in Heaven” quality to it. For the first time, ever.

Not there yet; not quite. But I’m working on it. Apparently, I need to transform all this karmic mass in order to get there. The quantities are enormous, and I wonder what it even is, because it’s not like there are many things this big anywhere.

I can imagine that people reading the last articles are trying to figure out the reasons why I wrote them. They are not very complicated. Biljana opened her gaming laptop to play Witcher 3 and the Windows basically kept it under lockdown with all the stupid updates, making it impossible to actually run what she wanted, until she told it to lay off with the updates for a week; then it ran fine. It got me thinking – Microsoft behaves as if the computer belongs to them first and user last, and the actually important stuff is all about installing updates and running things the OS thinks should be ran, and you get the leftovers, if you’re lucky and it doesn’t just do the reboot-update thing where the system is completely useless for hours. Also, it doesn’t actually bother to ask, because it knows better. I was thinking about it and concluded it’s not an accident, it’s a long-standing company policy. It’s the way they understand the computers, the users and the world. What they want and think matters; what you want and think is irrelevant, because they know better.

About the watches; I already mentioned I have issues with allergies. My nose is completely blocked and this impairs my breathing and elevates my stress level in addition to all the other things that are making my life miserable, such as filtering the astral equivalent of global sewage until it’s Evian. Well, it’s not just my breathing; my wrists are slightly swollen too, and my watch has a metal bracelet that’s adjusted to my normal wrist size, and the extra links for it are somewhere in Zagreb in a garage, and one would have to dig it out, mail it to me and then I’d expand the bracelet so that it doesn’t dig into my flesh, and that would solve the problem, but until then I can’t wear it. As you can see, it’s a whole to-do list. The obvious solution was to just wear another watch, with the leather strap, but my second watch is a battery powered quartz, and the battery just happened to die a month ago. Yes, I have a third watch, a twenty year old Casio, and it’s also quartz and the battery also died. That’s what got me thinking about watches, especially considering the fact that my main watch, the mechanical one, needs servicing since I’ve been wearing it non-stop for 8 years or so, and I’ll do that when I go to Zagreb in November to put the winter tyres on the car. So, considering I would have to be without a watch until then, I decided I had to do something and just bought a quartz movement Seiko with a leather strap, and the watch happened to be so nice, Biljana commented that she can’t actually tell how expensive it was – it doesn’t look worse than something like a JLC Master series in stainless steel, for instance.

This got me thinking about what are we actually paying for in watches, especially since I know that JLC Geophysic, released in the geophysics year along with the Sputnik 1, was intentionally designed to tick at true seconds, making it look like a quartz watch, only there weren’t quartz watches in the 1950s so people thought it was fancy. So, the thing that now makes people think a watch is “cheap”, the ticking at true seconds, is something JLC invented an expensive complication for in the 1950s. And yes, the Seiko I bought looks almost the same; only more accurate, and all for 230 EUR. The honest answer is that we are paying mostly for illusions and bullshit, and only somewhat for better materials and tolerances. We’re definitely not paying more for accuracy, or resistance to shocks or magnetic fields. So, that got me thinking and I wrote the article about it.

Also, I was thinking how a watch is just physical matter until I bind spiritual energetics to it, which is the point where it actually becomes something special and precious, and overpaying for matter that pretends to be something special just so that I would have to turn it into something actually special is pointless. And while we’re at that, since I was too exhausted and brain-dead from the spending to do anything complicated and elaborate, I merely punched a hole from the watch to the “God realm”, in order for it to create a feeling of presence when I wear it. I expected nothing from it, but a very old and dear friend paid me a wordless visit through that thing. It helped, my Lord. Thank you. I hope to see you soon for coffee.